With new seasons, there are new challenges.
Since the beginning of high school, I have been slightly lost about what I want to do in my future and who I want to be as an individual. I have never been one to feel this way, as I have always had a plan to come fully prepared in any situation. Besides the whole planning situation, I had a perfect image of who I was and who I wanted to become; now, I do not.
I am not one hundred percent sure when I became so disoriented with my life, but I know that it didn’t just happen overnight. In fact, this was a situation that was completely out of my control and was something that I had to adapt to.
As most know, life gets busy as you get older. Sports and homework start to consume my everyday life; hanging out with friends daily is not realistic. I realize that I am not the only student that goes through this—I can guarantee that most do, but most days, I feel that I am alone in this long-lasting battle.
Going into high school, I was told that freshman and sophomore year were my easy years, and looking back at that statement now, I agree. To sum it up, my junior year has been the most challenging When I say that, I am not talking about COVID-19 or being deprived of fun events, don’t get me wrong, it was not ideal, but I am centering on school work and finding my true identity.
This whole year has been consumed by countless quizzes, tests, and tears, along with losing friends and gaining new ones. There have been multiple times where I’ve wanted to quit and lock myself in my room and cry for days. However, that was not realistic, and I knew that in the end, my hard work would pay off. Although every day was a struggle to keep up with studying and homework, I have been choosing to give myself a break, even though now is probably not the appropriate time—seeing as exams are close.
Throughout all of this, I have found that all I need to do is get my assignments done on time—with full effort—and the rest will happen on its own. When it comes to showing who I really am, I now realize that as long as I am happy with myself, then nothing else should matter. When spending time alone, studying, or working on homework, I have learned that being alone is good for me so I can see what I genuinely like to do.
I no longer worry about how much studying I have to do, and I hardly stress anymore. Along the way, I have found what works for me. I now accept that failing one test is not the end of the world and not knowing what I want to do with my life is okay. Yes, going to college is something I’ve always wanted to do, but not knowing where I want to go at this exact moment is acceptable and often common.
Every day, my mind changes, and personally, I think it’s cool—in a certain aspect—how we’re able to change who we want to be and what we want to do. Every day, I get to decide if I want to be creative and explore new opportunities. I am allowed to change my mind on what I want to pursue. One minute I want to go into cosmetology and the next I want to major in psychology.
Whatever I end up doing, I know that there is a long trail ahead waiting for me. If I decide to walk down it, I know that there is someone or something at the end waiting for me. All I know is that my journey is specifically meant for me, and I am exactly where I need to be, which only gives me hope that I will end up where I want to be.