I will forever miss my old life, but I am looking forward to the future.

Dear My First Life,

I miss you. My pain is not sharp, not one that constricts my ribs and leaves me gasping for breath. It doesn’t appear in bouts of sobs or a longing for the strings of my life to have been woven together differently. The sorrow and regret I feel is a dull, aching pain, a constant in the back of my mind that weighs me down, slowly filling my heart with water. It doesn’t flood me. It drips slowly, one tear at a time, into my heart. 

You were the only life I ever knew. A life overflowing with warm summer nights and sticky ice cream fingers. One of roasting s’mores at a fire pit, staring deep into the lively amber flames that danced and twirled with one another as my marshmallow spun lazily. 

In my mind, you are a blanket. Each thread is a separate memory, goal, or lesson. Each strand makes up my past, and for me, my childhood feels warm and comforting, a blanket wrapped around my shoulders, securing me within its assured and nostalgic embrace.

The life I lead now is one without my closest friends, without my blushing bedroom, without the constant bumble of life and productivity and determination that lingered in the air. Without all the components that were compiled to create you.

Living in Grand Rapids is different. It’s new and unlike anything I knew before, and the pure hopefulness I feel for my future is bubbly. My excitement creates a giddy feeling of sparkling foam, filling me with ambition, and promising me love and contentment. The childish exhilaration I feel is a complete reflection of the optimism I’m facing the future with.

Grand Rapids is unique and beautiful. It’s a fresh chance to experience a separate world through the eyes of a more mature me. I love the trees that slowly transition from vibrant greens to reserved oranges and reds and browns. I love the genuine and kind smiles gifted to me. I love the chance for new friends, new beginnings, and new memories. 

Thank you, my past. The lessons I learned from you, the character I gained, and the elation that you brought me as I struggled my way through the tribulations of adolescence are irreplaceable. The friendships that you brought me taught me the true value of having someone you trust, and someone who will stay with you through the struggles of life. Thank you for my childhood years. 

You will stay with me always. Tragic or nostalgic, joyful or heavy. You shaped me to become who I am today, and I will never forget it. However, change is a fundamental aspect of the expansion and experience of life. Although I’m looking fondly upon you, with your hardships and triumphs invigorating me while lingering in the back of my mind, I’m still looking forward to my future. I’m allowing the hopefulness and love for both you and my new home to develop my submerging heart into one overflowing with bubbles.