Every day, I come home to an empty house. I walk in the door, and the only noise I hear are the taps of my dog’s paws on the hardwood floor. I look in my parents’ office and I see my mom is on another work trip, and my dad is not home. I put my stuff down and go upstairs, where there is only one open door. Mine. I look across the hallway to my brother’s dark empty room and again to my sister’s room. Nothing feels right.
I used to come home to the presence of my siblings because we drove together, and that alone always left me with company. We would walk in and my parents would both be in their offices, working from home. I would go upstairs and head to my bed while my sister would be in the room over. My brother would come into my room to either annoy me, tell me dinner’s ready, or help me with my homework. There was never a waking moment of loneliness, and I was always surrounded with family.
Now, none of that happens anymore. I enter the house alone, sit in my room alone, and eat dinner either alone or with just my parents. Dinners are no longer talkative, but instead bland, forced conversations at the table. My sister is not there to make me laugh as we both get ready for bed. Homework is more difficult because my brother is not there to explain to me the hard math problems or the old project he did two years ago. Things are different, and I’ve come to terms that they won’t ever be the same again.
This is the first year that I am fully alone. I used to rely on my brother, but now, it is just me. I’m not used to living like an only child.
I hate it with every bone in my body.
Whenever I was in an argument with one of my siblings, I would never want to talk to them, but knowing that they were there was always nice. Now my siblings are too far away for arguments to even happen.
Every day, I wish I could go back. I don’t care about the fights or all the disagreements and yelling, I just care that they were there. I care that I could talk to someone anytime I wanted. I care that my brother always took me wherever we wanted to go. I care that my sister got ready with me in the mornings and unready with me at night. I wish everything could go back. The old me, the old house, the old everything. Back when there was someone to come home to, back when it wasn’t unknown to people that I have siblings.
So now, everyday I come in to an empty house. It is quiet, and it is empty. There are no more coffee runs to make with my siblings anymore. No more family dinners. Everything has changed, and the house is all empty.
