Pat Pettinga

If only I knew sooner that my life was going to change.

If I only knew sooner that my life would be like this. All of the crazy, fun, embarrassing, nerve-racking parts of me. 

If only I knew that there would be drama in friend groups. That some friendships ended and some didn’t, and the confusion in between. The kids who would make fun of me in elementary school turned out to be the nicest people that I know. 

If I only knew that my phone was the most important thing. That having Snapchat and Instagram is so important.

If I only knew sooner that I don’t watch My Little Pony and Sofia the First anymore. I watch horror movies even though I hate them; I still watch them because that’s what everyone else likes.

If only I knew sooner that growing up doesn’t always mean knowing everything. That one day I would wake up and just have all of the answers to every question I am asked. But the truth is, I don’t know everything, and I don’t think I ever will. However, I do know this: I am such a unique person, and all of my friends love that about me. 

If only I knew sooner that my smile is what everyone loves most about me. What everyone knows me by. That it is the cutest, most unique thing about me, and I wish I hadn’t hidden it for all those years. 

If only I knew sooner that my best friend is still my best friend now and that silly fight is just a memory in the back of my head. She will not be my only best friend, though. I now have four more, and I love them more than anything.

I wish I had known sooner that Edie and I weren’t competing to be Lulu’s best friend, and we just loved each other from the beginning. 

I wish I had known sooner that I should have spent more time with my cousins because half of us are now in middle school and high school, and we won’t see as much of each other. 

I wish I had known sooner that my brother and I have our ups and downs, but at the end of the day, the car rides that I have with him will be the best thing ever because we get to just be together and get rid of all of the bad memories and just be us.

And finally, I wish I knew sooner that all of the crazy, fun, embarrassing, and nerve-racking parts of me will be there forever and that it is the best part of myself there is.