The lessons I’ve learned from gaining closure


I’ve never been one for letting things go.

As long as I can remember, I’ve been one for holding grudges for a ridiculous amount of time.

I would stay bitter at lost friends for years if I never got answers.

I would remember the one time a girl called me fat in eighth grade, and I would never dare meet her eyes.

I would recall the nastiness I felt after being ditched by a so-called friend and never even make an attempt to make amends.

For me, that has always just been the way it goes. Until recently.

This summer before heading into my senior year was a time for reflection. I looked around, and for the first time, I really saw differences in myself. Not only did I grow a few inches, lose the braces, and lose some of my baby face, but I remember myself three years ago and what had changed as well.

Since then, my confidence has grown, I’ve become more empathetic and less unpredictable, and I finally have grown into the kindness my mother has always displayed.

I’ve had to keep secrets to protect people around me. I’ve worked through my own issues and the issues of friends around me. People have left me physically and spiritually, and that’s just the start.

I’ve changed. I’m not the same person I was three years ago.

I changed. I’m not the same person I was three years ago. And so are they.

And so are they.

After that absolutely life-altering epiphany, I started on things the girl three years ago would never have considered.

I reformed friendships that ended years ago.

I spread kindness and talked to the girl who was once the behind my back bully.

I had real conversations with the girl who at one time, I swore I would never forgive without an apology.

I can’t tell you there was an “ah-ha” moment or a day where I woke up and made the resolution to move forward and aim for the closure I never received, but it just happened.

As tacky as it sounds, I feel lighter. Going to school and not having to avoid certain people and being able to move forward from my periods of teenage angst made my heart feel so much fuller. To be simply put, my days are just brighter.

I guess all through the years, I thought I was protecting myself for refraining from moving on. I guess I thought that maybe if I could avoid everyone, that I wouldn’t get hurt again. However, the brain and the soul don’t work in harmony all that well.

My soul was starting to drag; I felt myself getting heavier and heavier.

But my brain caught up eventually, and at the right time. I took notice of the changes of everyone surrounding me, and I realized that everyone deserves second chances. I can’t control my circumstances, but I can control my reactions.