No matter how much we plan ahead, you can’t plan for everything; unforeseen death, random complications with money, and even love can jump at you out of nowhere.
When these things happen, I always wonder if I am ready.
Since I was young, I have always faced things head-on, but if it got too intense, I gave up. Now that I’m almost 18, that mentality no longer works. If something comes up, I have to face it carefully and complete it. With time working against me, the things that pop up seem so much closer and scarier than they really are.
When time catches up, I usually look for a way out. Somewhere to run so I can escape while I can.
However, I now find myself looking time in the eyes, daring it to try me.
The scary, big, bad time has answered my challenge.
Recently, many things have popped up that seem so heavy and like too much to bear. I began to give up. I can admit that. It affects my grades. My relationships. Even my mental state is at risk.
But to be scared of time is to be scared of progression. And to be scared of progression is to be scared of change. And with change comes healing.
As the philosopher Augustine said, “Time cures all wounds.”
I’m ready to be cured of all wounds.
Sadly, for that to happen, I have to be ready for the unexpected to be pelted in my face with no warning. Sadly, I have to face the unexpected cautiously and complete it.
There is no doubt in my mind that this will be hard. I’ll fail for sure. I’ll want to give up more than anything. The more intense it gets, the more I’ll want to run.
But at these times, I must look at the beautiful changes. The changes that fuel me to keep going. A relationship that gives me a reason to fight harder. New scenery that gives me a new perspective. Unexpected friendships. Perusing a dream. Making my parents proud.
Support has been hard for me to come by. As the clock ticks on, I feel support will continue to be foreign to me.
But to have these thoughts will only hold me back. I must look to the people in my life and keep them in it.