Everything right now is how it has always been: upsetting, uncomfortable, and unforgiving. Every week I think “all you need to do is get through this week.” Every week I find myself looking forward to the next because what is happening now won’t matter in a couple of years.
My present is like my past but hopefully nothing like my future. When I grow up and move to the more advanced stages of my life, like college, I will be a different person.
Right now I wait for the days when I can finish high school and move to a place where I can chase the sunsets in my car, a place where I can surf until dinner, a place where I can wake up every morning thinking about that day and not any other.
Now I wait for the week to be over. Now I wait until every hour is finished. Now I wait until my dreams come true.
But what if they never do?
Life is so fragile; everything you know can be shattered into a million pieces in an instant.
Tomorrow I could be gone, but I will have always been stuck thinking about the next years of my life and how in those years I will accomplish my goals, in those years I will live the life I’ve always wanted.
I get caught up in tomorrow and what tomorrow holds until tomorrow actually comes and all I think about is the next day and the next day. I am never living in the present when I probably should be.
I should be soaking up every second that I have with all of my friends living in the same state. I should be focusing on the exciting school year. I should be appreciating everything that I get to experience.
But a part of me wants to grow up.
A part of me wants to change.
A part of me needs my future to be a reality because, if it doesn’t, I don’t know what I’ll do.
At the end of the day, I am always left waiting for the next thing. Will I look back on my high school experience and think it was wasted because I was always waiting?
I don’t want anything to be ruined, but I also can’t wait for what’s to come.
So, maybe it’s ok to be caught up in tomorrow as long as it brings you joy and peace to think about. But, don’t miss out on everything right in front of you now.