Please forgive me,
for you were always enough for this floating ball of gas.
Even when you thought you weren’t,
You were more than enough to be worthy,
You were deserving of all the love you felt guilty receiving,
Of all the smiles you felt like you were stealing.
I’m sorry the weight of such trivial matters kept your tired eyes wide long after the sunset
And that you felt responsible for realm-shifting decisions.
You deserved more,
I just didn’t believe I did.
You were never as fragile as you thought you were;
You were by no means bulletproof, darling,
But you were noble enough to not be a doormat.
I wish you had realized sooner your importance.
I’m sorry you never thought you were beautiful,
That you came to hate the nose that sat on your face
And grew to despise your eyebrows because of the reckless words of children.
You thought your grey eyes were boring
As if they didn’t hold the cosmic realities of the world;
You hated your curly, frizzy, not-quite-blonde hair,
The uniform passed down through your bloodline.
These feeling still haven’t gone away, but I’m working on it.
I’m beginning to be able to look in the mirror and like little parts of the person staring back at me:
I find my face is proportionate enough,
My humor has a gigantic ego,
And I’m starting to appreciate the freckles that scatter the epicenter of my face.
The birds singing were never something I enjoyed,
I never believed I was worthy enough to bask in the sounds,
But I’m starting to think I deserve more than I allowed myself, if only a sliver.
I’m working on finally feeling like I’m enough,
And I’m sorry to the younger version of me who suffered through the years of feeling nothing:
You were always enough,
Especially when you thought you weren’t.
I now know you were.
Please forgive me, darling,
I never meant to recklessly destroy your self-worth.