Spooky Humans: Ivan Wheland

“On Halloween of my freshman year, I got invited to go to [senior] Hunter Robinson’s house for a party. I don’t know if it was just me being a naive freshman, or if I just didn’t get the memo, but I thought it’d be a great idea to wear a costume to this party, and that’s exactly what I did. I thought it’d be hilarious if I dressed up as a Hooters waitress. I don’t really know why I went with Hooters waitress; I really just wanted to make people laugh, and I definitely went for the shock factor. I had a wife-beater with the Hooters logo taped onto it and some orange shorts—that was the attire. I was turning heads and defying gender roles. I mean, no person in human history has arrived at Hooters and seen a male waiter. So, I show up, and all I’m thinking about is how funny my outfit is and how everyone is going to love my costume. I walk in. Everybody’s there; I am the last person to get to the party. I head my way down the spiral staircase, and low and behold, not a single person is wearing a costume. Not only am I the only person wearing a costume at this party, [but] I’m also dressed like a Hooters waitress. This was one of the most horrific things that I could’ve even expected to happen. I immediately wanted to shrink into a shell, but instead, I just acted boisterous and confident on the outside, so no sharks could smell the blood in the water. I played my part, made people laugh, and yeah, it was super embarrassing, but at least I didn’t go trick-or-treating. I remember ending off the night ripping my wife-beater in half. Honestly though, if I could repeat that night, I would’ve shown up earlier and gone even harder.”

(Senior)