Through the eyes of an observer

High school romantic comedies have always been my favorite type of movie. Whether it was a Disney Channel Original I watched when I was a kid or the plethora of Netflix films I add to my list on a daily basis, I have always been enthralled with seemingly flawless romance and happily ever afters, but unfortunately, these movies set me up with unrealistic expectations.

As I grew older and approached my freshman year, I expected my high school experience to be like the movies. I foolishly thought that I would meet my “person” within the duration of these four years or at least experience some sort of recreation of a scene I saw in the films that I adored. Unfortunately, my high school career was filled with a load of work, finding a job, and trying to be a part of extracurriculars that I thought would look good on my college applications, but none of the factors I endured were commonly displayed in these movies. 

These films were all about the unrealistic aspects of high school; while some may experience those first loves and go to a plethora of parties to adhere to their fantasies, I found myself refraining from that experience as a whole. I have spent an ungodly amount of time pondering my teenage years and reflecting on my choices throughout my time here. The closest experience I had with these fictional films was when I lived vicariously through my closest friends. I spent hours listening to them talk about the new person they were interested in, getting asked to school dances, and planning what movie-like activity they would indulge in next; I enjoyed listening to them. 

I have always seen myself as an observer, paying attention to others and silently predicting their futures, and due to that, I didn’t spend enough time focused on myself. When these realizations pierced through me, I found myself envious of those I had spent so much time observing. I was jealous of my peers who got to have the high school romance I never seemed to pay enough attention to, but the only person to blame was myself.

I often wonder if I will one day regret the decisions I am currently making: if I am launching myself into a world where having dating experience from high school would be beneficial. I ponder if the heartaches I watch my friends endure will one day strengthen them as an individual and better them as they waltz into their futures. 

I wish I could say high school romance was like the movies, but to be honest, I wouldn’t entirely know. I can only provide what I know about young love from the perspective of an observer.