ENFJ, or the Protagonist. The extroverted, intuitive, feeling, judging person who is represented by a long-haired, wizard-looking man cloaked in emerald with a large sword. That odd warlock figure is what I held as my pride and joy. With my defined personality, I felt as if I had outgrown my former position as a side character and taken the lead. For once in my life, I felt as though I had a significant impact and eventually would chase after my destiny like every main character I had seen in my favorite television shows.

I think I had forgotten several things when I stepped into this mindset.

It had slipped my mind that I never seem to identify with protagonists. My slightly antagonistic and strong rivalry with everyone contrasts the amicable and loving traits that were my expectations. Now, this is not to say that I think I’m a terrible person—I am just not the protagonist. I never considered that this is real life, not some fantasy quest where I grab some pals and hit the road for months.

Purely out of boredom, while still in another mental world that revolved solely around me, I returned to 16personalities.com, where I had first discovered my Myers-Briggs personality type. I saw my result, and took about three glances before closing the tab. The screen did not display the vibrant spring jade I had expected—rather, it was glowing with mauve crystals. I tried to laugh it off, even saying, “that’s less accurate” out loud, but deep inside, I knew that this was me. It was a sinking snap back to reality in which it hit me that I was not, and never will be, the Protagonist.

ENTP, or the Debater. The extroverted, intuitive, thinking, prospecting person represented by a sassy, smirking, politician-appearing figure. That was my result the second and even third time I took the test, which were months to a year apart. 

Honestly, I much better identified with the Debater. I wasn’t on board with the judgy eyebrows or prestigious podium originally, but slowly, the more I looked into the ENTP type, I began to feel just a spark of self-love.

As I started seeing posts about my type that I was able to relate to, I began to accept that I was not, and never will be, the Protagonist. Surprisingly enough, one day, I found that I was happy to be an ENTP. I am chaotic, smart, argumentative, and charming—or that’s what the stereotype is at least. I found it fitting and utterly hilarious that I am this absolute fireball. My suspicions all along were confirmed at last; I am not the main character, but I am myself, whoever that may be. 

At last, I am happy with that. I act as I please, not to fit a role. My role is what I create and what fits me, not what I wish I was like. Sure, I have goals and aim to be the person that I want to be, but I don’t try to change my personality. I love being the one with an aggressive stance and face pasted on Amazon boxes for the meme.

Though I will never contain myself to just these four letters, I will continue to walk down the road with confidence, knowing that I do fit in somewhere. I do have a type that I relate to. I may be an original, but there are others out there that might seem to have nothing in common with me yet share those four letters. Despite my initial disdain, ENTP, your ridiculous, over-the-top smirk will always stick with me.