Dear senior year — just an airplane or a car ride away

This past week, I toured two different universities—two of which are deliberate contenders of where I’ll attend college, but at the same time, making my decision nearly unreachable.  

The orange and white checkerboard aurora of colors in the great state of Tennessee complemented the “Go Vols!’’ spirit exquisitely at UTK. 

My mom and I took a last-minute venture down to the University of Tennessee. It was a rather short trip—twenty-four hours per se. I was overwhelmed with the amount of school spirit; the campus was gorgeous; it was everything I could hope for in a college town.

Because the future is scary—May 1st is scary.”

Although the visit was nothing short of awesome, I spent some time away with just my mom and me. She just got a new job, and I am in my most intense season of dance, so spending quality time together is rarely ever on our agenda. 

When she told me we were going to visit Tennessee—just us two—I was so excited, not only because I got to miss a Monday of school. I was excited to tour—perhaps—a new home of mine, I was excited to get out of town just for a day, and I was excited to take a break from everyone at home aside from my mom—someone I live with yet never seems to find time to live with.

The following weekend, we took a shorter venture—not even a plane ride. A four-hour trip of layovers in the airport and sleeping on the airplane compared to an hour’s drive east was rather divergent. 

With my fingers almost entirely shriveling off from the chilling wind of the Michigan weather, I walked around another one of my top schools: Michigan State University.      

I’ve grown up watching, rooting for the Spartans. My mom is an alumna. From day one, being a fan of MSU has been a constant in my family. I’ve gone to their football tailgates and games, dripping in green and white apparel. When someone says, “Go green!” I say, “Go white!” It’s perpetual. 

But I don’t know if I want to go there. 

I don’t know where I want to go. This is such a life-changing decision that I’m too scared to make. Sometimes, I wish I could stay in my high school years forever, but other times, I want to be as far away from this place as possible. So right now, I’m focusing on my day-to-day, day by day. Because the future is scary—May 1st is scary.

Although these past two weeks have been everything college, I still have months left of high school—months left of things and people I’ll never get back. I have dance team Nationals, spring break in Mexico, graduation, and so many more little in-between moments I’ve yet to meet.

But I still don’t know what my life will look like in a few months from now.