When most kids wanted to grow up, I was the kid that never wanted to. I wanted to live in Neverland and stay young with my childhood–and still do. 

Many of my fondest childhood memories are the ones constantly lingering in my mind. There are memories from each season with different groups of people, both favorable and unpleasant memories. 

I miss family gatherings when me and my cousins make up dances to perform for everyone and play with the outdated toys at our grandparents’ home. I was one of the younger kids on my mom’s side of the family, and I was always looking up to my cousins and following them around like lost puppies, hoping one day I would turn out to be just as fantastic as them. On my dad’s side, I was the oldest and organized the games we’d play. I was always trying to show off so I could be the cool cousin because I was older and responsible. Of course, I’d get upset when I was occasionally left out of things, but then I’d crawl to my grandparents and they’d console me with cuddles and treats. 

I miss school. I used to absolutely idolize school and adore the extensive days of learning new information. I longed for the class parties when my mom would come in to help set up, and then we’d play games and have delectable, abnormal treats. I cherished the friendships that could come into my life in seconds because we were kids and couldn’t care less as long as we had something in common. I miss our huge ice rinks we’d create at recess to play on and all the other games that would occur. We did experience the occasional child drama, but most of it was quickly overlooked and things would go back to normal. 

I miss vacations. A weekend at one of my grandparents’ cottages used to qualify as a vacation. Those trips would excite me like it was Christmas morning. I would do anything from swimming to just sitting and reading a book and it would be twenty times more exciting than normal. Even though these excursions were delightful, the extravagant, large vacations were highlights. I remember adventuring to Hawaii when I was only two and hula dancing and swimming under the sun. Then there were trips to Orlando and Disney, going to Bibbity Bobbity Boutique and going out to eat at various restaurants, and getting Kraft mac and cheese everywhere. I remember Great Wolf Lodge, and going on the same two slides the whole trip and then going to Kalahari and doing the exact same thing. 

I miss the simple things. I miss sitting and watching Disney Junior and Disney Channel for hours. I miss watching the same Disney movies repeatedly, which was mainly 101 Dalmatians. I miss my childhood room with my flower curtains, bright blue walls, white vanity, and surfboard rug. I miss begging to stay up any later than my bedtime. I miss my mom picking out my outfits everyday. I miss not being able to reach anything and having my little red stool I carried around. I miss sleeping in my parents bed every other night. I miss sitting in a car seat that was pink and the coolest thing in the world. I miss our “lots-of-stuff” lunches that I recently found out was just my mom not wanting to buy full meals. I miss sleeping with every single stuffed animal and American Girl doll I owned and bringing them everywhere. I miss playing on every playset I saw. 

I miss the innocence of being young. Now, there is barely a family gathering where I can see my whole family and we see each other way less. School is more for success and is a serious matter. Friends don’t stay as easy and fights cause friendships to be lost forever. I still have eventful trips, but smaller ones don’t come around as often and feel much shorter. The sweet simplicity of being a child is gone. I can still experience some of the moments and things, but they don’t give off the same feeling as they did. 

I think about the future a lot. Next year I’ll be driving. In four years I’ll graduate. My brother will be in middle school. The speed of time isn’t slowing, and I seriously wish it would go back, or at least stop. I’m not ready for what’s to come and I still want little, past me to have her childhood. I don’t want to let go of the past, even though some things I’ve already had to let go of. Little me was right, growing up is scary and I’m not ready.  I plan on holding on to whatever I can for as long as I can. Even if it’s simply memories.