Tuesday in my fifth-hour Advanced Psychology class, I was asked to reflect on the past year. I was not filled with cold dread, nor did I scream in surprise as I failed to remember the past month, let alone the past year. I had suppressed the car accident I had been involved in, I could not remember a single joke that had been said in my presence or had passed from my own lips, and I could not think of my happiest memory either. 

Everything had all combined together into a blur. The past year was just another thing propelling me toward the future–one that I can only imagine in a superficial, not-true-to-myself way. I know many things occurred over this previous year, but on New Year’s Eve, I was not reminiscing, rather, I was thinking of sleep and what I had to endure in the upcoming day. I was not in despair over my lack of memory. Instead, I was met with feelings of frustration whenever I was forced to recall moments that I felt I shouldn’t have needed to manually call to the forefront of my mind. 

The mental workout ended as I clicked submit, but then I started to think (yet again) about how fast everything has gone by and how I may attribute that to the fact that I can not remember anything. 

I started to contemplate whether or not the fact that my days have become a repetition of one another could be affecting my lack of memory. Each day I wake up at six thirty for school, go and do my bathroom routine, do my makeup and hair, then I make my bed and get dressed. It is always the same. The time I wake up may change on the weekends but the routine stays the same. All my days seem to combine to form one singular day I live over and over again. 

But some days should stand out. Time spent with friends should have a highlighted section in my brain, holidays or vacations should as well—right? Even so, there are very few things that stand out, and they almost always have to be prompted. I still value all the time spent with the people close to me, but as I reflect I feel ambivalent. I do not rejoice at my inability to remember, nor do I weep in despair. I am okay with it. 

As long as I still feel the joy, love, and care for all the time that has passed and for the people it has passed with, then it was all worthwhile. It is okay to forget and make way for new memories and thoughts. 

Life is a blur. It passes by us far too fast for anyone to comprehend. I still feel like a freshman entering the drama and responsibility of high school for the first time, but then I snap back and realize I am in the second half of my junior year. I did not always believe the seniors when they said high school goes by too fast, but I understand now as I stand still and life flashes by me as quickly as the winds of a tornado. 

Life and memory are flitting, but I will still try to do one thing a day that is remembered to keep my day-to-day moments entertaining. I won’t remember those moments, I know I won’t, but I will attempt anyway that way each day will slowly start to stand apart from each other and life may even slow down.