I wish I was the confident spy instead of the self-conscious and annoying main character


Mahta Poostizadeh

A picture with one of the people that make it easier to become the spy who radiates confidence

When I hear or think of the phrase, “fake it ’till you make it,” I picture a spy in a long gown on a crucial mission talking to the awkward main character who is uncomfortable in her fancy dress. The spy is giving the awkward clumsy girl a speech about how to fake confidence and how to accomplish whatever mission they are on. I do not imagine myself smiling and chiming in during group work. Why would that be faking confidence?

Confidence is not only necessary for heroes in movies, but also for everyday life. I don’t like meeting new people; my mom is always trying to get me to talk to my peers when we are at the beach or at a function, but I do my best to steer clear.

My head swims with the possible outcomes of embarrassment, and I am not in my normal environment, so it makes it ten times worse. If need be, I can smile and make small talk—only trying to fill the acceptable role a normal person in society would play. I rarely feel confident in such situations; in those moments, I am the awkward main character far too shy and clumsy to partake in small discussions. 

Then at school, or when I am surrounded by my friends, I find it immensely easier to talk to new people, to be loud, and to be as crazy as possible. I feel some embarrassment and regret later when I am alone, but it is nothing in comparison to social situations without the people I find a home in by my side. 

“Fake it ’till you make it” is like a breath of air when I am with my friends. I become the spy in my imagination: taking up a position at the front, striking up a conversation with new people or adults—which is less frightening than conversing with my peers—and making decisions. I seem perfectly poised and assertive. 

I feel some embarrassment and regret later when I am alone, but it is nothing in comparison to social situations without the people I find a home in by my side. ”

I aspire to emulate the person I am when I am with my people even when I am in public without them. 

It may help if I picture myself as the spy and not the awkward main character—knife strapped to my thigh and all. I could truly become the phrase, “fake it ’till you make it.” I could hold my head up high, walk with sass, and maybe even talk to the people my mom wishes I would. 

Confidence helps in all aspects of life: at work, in making friends, and in feeling less embarrassed when you’re alone (and in public). It is the key to functioning well in society. 

So, I practice becoming that spy. I will one day be the one giving a pep talk about being self-assured. I will one day walk as though I have five-inch heels, a long cocktail dress, and knives hidden all over my body. I will one day become my imagination’s image of confidence, but for now, I will pretend to be confident and find it easier when in my home and with my comfort people.