I get headaches daily.
I’ve asked doctors and tried medication, but nothing resolves the problem. I have adapted to the solution of ibuprofen, caffeine, chocolate, showers, and ice packs as my DIY remedies. Still, even a slight headache can slice a wrench into my day. As I am currently writing at 2:30 on a Monday, I am bearing a headache that began at 11 a.m. My day went from energetic and exciting to painful and disappointing.
The pain, even if minimal, can change my plans. My day could be on track to be the best day ever, but the slightest pain can curve the day in a whole new direction.
Personally, I find last-minute changes are the most frustrating. I’ve never minded ‘going with the flow’ but when I am strictly told something was planned to happen and then it just doesn’t, I am frustrated to no end. I despise when I count on things, and then someone decides that it won’t work out. I am completely understanding that plans change, but nonetheless, I am bothered.
Overall, I think it disappoints because I become overly expectant.
If the plan is to go out to eat, I will think about it constantly until it happens; I plan what I’ll wear, eat, do, say, see, everything. Then, when the plan is changed, all of the fantasies of the perfect meal are washed down the drain. I’m not sure how to avoid planning for things the way I do but I feel like it needs to change. It hurts me more mentally than anything since it is a recurring scenario that won’t change.
I hate showing that all of this bothers me. If it were up to me, I would keep a content face on at all times so that nobody would notice that I was troubled. The idea of affecting people’s day because I’m in pain, or inconvenienced makes me feel awful. I have always been a catch-all person or a person to whom everyone tells everything. Never have I been truly bothered by this, but at some points it seems like no one is there to listen to me, even though I know some people gladly would.
The act of closing myself makes the slight changes so much harder, truly because I feel like I have to go through everything alone. Changes in dinner plans may not be an adequate excuse to feel alone, but it is the situation I find myself in. Sometimes I think that people will think that these little things are silly and immature to be stressed over, and I decide that it must be better to keep it to myself.
I know that people will listen, and the little changes don’t have to be silly, but the opposite is solidified in my mind. For the time being, I will take the unexpected as it religiously comes, and train to the point of opening up.
For the time being, the headache will rest restlessly in the back of my mind as the changes occur.
