People always ask her, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
When she was younger, she would respond with one of the common answers many kids have when they are little: a teacher, a princess, or a police officer. But, as she’s grown, she has realized that the more she thinks about it, the more uncertain she is.
She’s not a scientist. She’s not a mathematician. She’s not a doctor or a nurse. She’s just me.
When she was in sixth grade, she said to someone, “I just don’t have a thing.” Almost everyone she knew at the time had their “thing”—some sort of activity or talent they had been doing for a long time. When someone thought of them, that skill would also come to mind. She had friends who were beautiful and graceful dancers or who were guaranteed to make varsity in whatever sport they were playing.
Though it’s been five years since her clueless statement, she has found her “thing” in the theater with musicals. For her, it just took a little longer. But, as she thinks about her future and college and all of the tough decisions ahead of her, it can’t be solved with a song or dance.
She’s only 17; how is she supposed to decide what she wants the rest of her life to be like? She stares at her computer, aimlessly scrolling through lists of majors and colleges to find the ones she would enjoy pursuing. Eventually, she closes the tabs, leaving the issue for another day.
People always tell her that she can change her major once she’s there, but she wants to pick the right one from the start. She’s nervous that what she chooses won’t be the one for her, that she’ll be studying the wrong thing or she will end up at the wrong college.
She’s nervous about writing the essays that will influence whether or not she will get to attend each particular school. She’s nervous about deciding a vital aspect of her future when she knows she’s not ready. She’s anxious about her future.
She’s cherishing the stability and consistency she has in her life right now, not eagerly awaiting how different life will be after high school. When scheduling classes, she was over-analyzing and second-guessing every choice she wrote down, contemplating if she made the right choices.
Though she is uncertain now, hopefully, she will find her way between the many diverging roads in front of her, pointing in different directions. She has ideas but is worried about which one is best for her.
She is too young to be grown up.
“And when I grow up, I will be smart enough to answer all, the questions that you need to know, the answers to before you’re grown up.” – “When I Grow Up” from Matilda
