Entering into Our Little Secret knowing only that it was a Netflix Original Christmas film starring Lindsay Lohan, my expectations were quite low.
So low, in fact, that when it proved to have some redeemable qualities, I was surprised. The 100-minute movie does include some half-baked, semi-entertaining humor, but aside from that, it retains most of the characteristics of a subpar, streaming-platform original.
The movie—released on Nov. 27—joins Netflix’s yearly onslaught of low-quality holiday releases. However, unlike most other of the seasonal specials, Our Little Secret has a relatively star studded cast. Various B-list actors, in addition to Lohan, play major roles. Ian Harding—most notable for portraying Ezra Fitz on the 2010s show Pretty Little Liars—joins the film as Lohan’s past boyfriend, and musical icon Kristin Chenoweth brings the role of a small-town, narcissistic mother to life.
Even for its smaller parts, a fair portion of the cast has a pre-established presence in Hollywood. Judy Reyes—former star of Scrubs—and Jake Brennan—Richie Rich from the eponymous Netflix show—both play family members in the film.
The storyline begins in 2014, showing Lohan—the ambitious, red-headed Avery—with Harding, her dedicated boyfriend named Logan. Planning to escape to London after the painful aftermath of her mother’s death, the opening scenes play out at Avery’s going-away party.
In a sudden and ill-mannered fashion, Logan proposes to Avery, hoping to give her a reason to stay in the United States with him. Understandably, Avery declines the unromantic gesture, causing a blowup fight between the two. After Logan hurls stinging insults at Avery, their relationship comes to a close. That is, until ten years later, when they unintentionally meet again.
To show the passing of time between their ending blows and the present day, the film includes a snappy introduction montage. In this, major world events from the decade are detailed, intertwined with the production’s credits. While this is incongruous with the entire rest of the film, it’s entertaining to see the recent major events laid out so cinematically. In addition, having the credits go by quickly—when most beginning scenes take a hefty amount of time to properly recognize the film’s contributors—is a feature I wouldn’t mind seeing implemented in future Netflix films.
As the plot resumes, Avery and Logan are shown once again, now both in uncharismatic relationships with new partners. However, by an unlikely coincidence, Avery and Logan find themselves spending the holidays in the same home. Not wanting to make unnecessary waves, the two pretend to be strangers, concealing their detailed past from their current partners and the rest of the household.
Throughout the majority of the movie, the two scheme together, slowly reconstructing their fractured relationship. While the action builds as the film progresses, it’s an overall slow-moving production. Besides one drama-packed scene at the movie’s climax, the plot feels mundane and underdeveloped.
While I won’t give any spoilers, it’s also predictable. Just by looking at the movie poster, the characters’ fates can be pretty accurately assumed. To make matters worse, Avery and Logan’s ending holiday reconciliation is a lazy storyline choice. With the cruel statements he made to her during their 2014 breakup, Logan should at least have offered a legitimate apology to Avery. In my mind, a few days on a Christmas vacation shouldn’t have justified her forgiveness of him.
Partially due to the two main characters, “The Holiday Switch Up” would’ve been a much more fitting title for this film. Since all that really happens in these 100 minutes is an uneventful plot followed by the eventual romantic rotation of characters, this name summarizes the movie much more accurately.
Debatably more than the storyline, the cinematography itself is boring. The entire movie looks airbrushed, like it was filmed with an iPhone’s portrait mode. This stylistic blandness carries over into virtually every element of the movie, from its soundtrack to the two-dimensional characters.
Through its music, the film had the potential for a holiday ambiance. Instead—due to the soundtrack that sounds like non-copyright Instagram Reel lo-fi music—it feels like Netflix’s basic template of a movie with minimal holiday elements included.
In many other areas besides just the music, the film felt low-effort. This is most especially apparent in the beginning and ending scenes with Avery and Logan. Instead of showing the characters’ far pasts and distant futures with the actual actors, director Stephen Herek included mere abstract illustrations of them on a white screen. This is not only unfitting with the rest of the movie’s (albeit bland) cinematic style, but it also leaves the audiences unsatisfied. As the film wrapped up, I couldn’t help but scoff at the unimpressive ending, wanting to see the resolution with Lohan and Harding.
Even so, the characters—from their lack of personality to what they wear—are themselves forgettable. While, for all I know, this was Herek’s goal, Lohan embodies the most basic format of a millennial woman. To make matters worse, accompanying her lack of individuality, Lohan’s acting was subpar and stiff. While I have fond memories of Lohan’s iconic 2000s roles in films like Mean Girls and The Parent Trap, somehow the 2024 release doesn’t quite compare.
To be fair, not all the film’s actors were unsatisfactory. Chenoweth, for her part, well executed her acclaimed archetype of the posh, authoritative older woman through her part of Erica. This stepmother is similar in many ways to Chenoweth’s roles of Maleficent in the Descendants franchise and April Rhodes on the TV show Glee.
Altogether, Our Little Secret did nothing but affirm my strong negative opinion of Netflix Original films. While it led me to the realization that these straight-to-streaming productions are basically just Hallmark movies for younger audiences, I cannot say this movie is worth watching. With predictable plots, boring storylines, and substandard acting, this holiday film joins my list of the worst movies of 2024.
