The other night, I was texting one of my best friends. In my famous lowercase letters and grammatically incorrect texting, I said, “in a month the musical is over and the seniors will be gone for good”. She told me that I don’t need to worry about that right now and that it’s not like I’m never going to see them again. I knew that she was right, and I knew that I was being dramatic, and I know that I still am. I texted her these words: I can’t do it.
I know that I’m dramatic, and I know that I’m going to write at least one more column about this. I know that I’m not a senior and I’m not the one leaving. At this point, I wish I were. If I were, I could leave with my friends.
If I were leaving now, I could leave along with Alex, the one who introduced me to theater. She wouldn’t be leaving me behind to try to start navigating everything by myself. I wish that she could stay so that we could keep hanging up posters all around the area for hours at a time. I wish she could stay so we could keep getting way too much caffeine from Starbucks so that we could try to cover up our lost sleep. I just don’t know what to do.
I could leave along with Henry, who somehow became my go-to person to talk to during theater. He became the person that could lift my mood no matter how exhausted I am, and he became the person who I could joke about anything with. He’s one of the ones who help the long rehearsals go by so incredibly fast.
I could leave along with Alex F, who is the sweetest person with the best energy. When I fly her, she makes me feel better about my mistakes. She tells me that it’s okay and reminds me that she’ll be okay. I’m not sure what I’ll do without her unceasing positivity.
I could leave along with Jake, who is one of the people I enjoy being around most. If I got to leave along with him, I wouldn’t have to figure out what to do without his hilarious personality and incredible jokes. Next year, I’ll have to deal with no longer having the non-stop laughter.
I know this is selfish, and I’m sorry. My friend that I was texting even told me that they deserve to move on, and I agree. They really do deserve to move on, but I selfishly don’t want them to. I want them to stay behind so that I can keep spending weeks losing sleep with them. I want to have the non-stop laughter with them, and I want to continue getting to see them daily.
The worst part of it all is that in just a few weeks I’m going to have to say goodbye. I’m going to have to watch the curtain close with them one last time, and say goodbye to them with tears in my eyes. I know this is so incredibly cliché, and I’m sorry about that. I just don’t know what I’ll do without them. We have just a few more weeks, and then I have to say goodbye.
