“You’re literally Gatsby,” she says to me. We were in the car together, with her driving, and me in the passenger seat. A year ago, I longed to be as close to her as I am now. We were going to get ice cream with one of her friends, but we had time to kill. We took a quick trip to the store, and then we were just driving around, chatting. We talked about anything and everything.
I think she’s right; I am Gatsby. I think I’m more than willing to spend my next years just waiting.
To make the waiting go faster, I stand on the rickety wooden dock looking out across the water, and tears begin streaming down my face. There’s a dock that mirrors mine. It appears almost identical. One thing sticks out to me: the green light. The light that haunts me throughout my days. The light that I try to shove to the back of my mind.
I used to feel secure standing on the dock, staring at the green light. I felt a sense of comfort studying it. Now, as I look at the green light, I feel a thousand different emotions wash over me, trying to drown me. I’m suffocating on this once-familiar dock.
Now, every minute of every day, the green light is sitting in my mind. It won’t fade away; in fact, it’s beginning to grow brighter. Every day, I find it pounding on my mind, bringing me a headache that I never asked for.
I’m not sure when I picked out the faded green light, and I’m not sure when it began to grow brighter. I don’t know if I want it to fade away or if it’s worth watching it illuminate.
The green light doesn’t just represent my waiting. It’s also my unknown. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but the green light always seems to be here, just out of reach, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get a hold of it.
I stand on the dock every night, gazing across the water at my green light. I look at it with wonder and with hope. Gatsby and I might be the same, standing on our docks, arms reaching out towards our green lights. We both have the wonder and the hope that some people need more of in this world.
Even though I can’t hold onto my green light, I know it’ll always be there. It’ll stay with me forever. It’ll be here with me no matter what.
So now, staring across the water at my green light, I feel a weight lifting off of my shoulders. I’m able to take a deep breath as my green light begins to grow more vibrant. I don’t know how long I’m willing to wait, but I know that I’ll always have my green light reminding me of the distance and wonder, but also my hope.
“And as I sat there brooding on the old, unknown world, I thought of Gatsby’s wonder when he first picked out the green light at the end of Daisy’s dock.” -The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
