How do you say goodbye to your therapist? How do you say goodbye to your advisor? How do you say goodbye to your best friend? There are too many questions that come to mind when wondering how to say goodbye to my sister.
How will I discover new music without her showing me? How will I know if my outfits look good without her telling me? Who will I confide my deepest secrets to?
It’s all new to me; I’ve never lived without her. She was there when I tied my shoes by myself for the first time, when I started middle school, and when I drove my first car. I’m so grateful that she’s been there and told me the things only an older sister could. Yet, I’m scared about what she’s going to miss.
Who will tell me there to tell me which prom dress looks best on me with that brutally honest sincerity only a sister has? Who will be there to buy me ice cream when I grow too tired of the high school hierarchy? Who will be there when I need a sister?
Sure, I have brothers whom I love deeply, but brothers are brothers, and sisters are sisters. And I only have one sister. Yet, that doesn’t feel true anymore. Or at least in three or four months. My one and only sister, therapist, advisor, and best friend are all going to drop to zero with the autumn leaves in the fall.
I didn’t even realize that one random Wednesday would be the last day you drove me to school, but should I have? It’s put me on alert; what if now everything’s a last? What if this is the last time we drive around with the windows down, or talk for hours in my bed?
I know she’s not dying, she’ll only be two hours away. But in between those two-hour drives, there’ll be days and months without even a “hi.” Between those hour drives, there’ll be things left unsaid, forgotten, and dismissed, and there’ll be moments that I think of you and remember where you are.
There are other things I know too, for instance, it’s not all bad. Between those days and months and hours spent driving, there are moments that I yearn for and love to possess. For I know when she’ll visit, she’ll be there for me. We’ll spend hours making up for those long days and months. I’ll listen intently as she informs me of a world so different from mine, and she’ll give me advice for the things she’s accomplished, so similar to my life.
I know what’s coming even when questions linger in the air. And although I feel my heart breaking, I know she will be thriving in her own different path while I wait for my turn to follow in her footsteps. My therapist, advisor, and best friend, my sister, will be gone. But in return, I know her advice, empathy, humor, and love will stay through it all.
