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The feeling of home

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Katianna Mansfield

More stories from Katianna Mansfield

I am okay now
February 16, 2018
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The feeling of home

There are so few places I feel comfortable in this world.

Every place that I have made my own, each little nook that I have strived to find and successfully create is locked in my mind forever. It doesn’t matter if it’s still a part of my life or even capable of being a home anymore, I remember what they are.

The dorm my friend and I stayed in for a week at Gallaudet University– I have a home there. My dad’s old house– the living room was where I felt most myself. On the couch watching Netflix with my dad, Rissa, and mom, I can sleep soundly here. An old friend Alice’s bed, where I’m pretty sure I cried more tears into her shirts than I’d cried ever in my life combined, I felt good there. My old best friend Lauren’s embrace; she always gave me a hug when I needed it most. Cuddled into my mom on particularly bad nights when I can’t get out of my head, she is my home. IHOP at any hour on any given day, week, or month, I know who I am in this building. My own car is a safe space. Sitting shotgun next to Mason or driving with him beside me, the feeling of comfort is alive in my body.

I have little crevices in the world where I know I am okay.

For someone who does not feel at home in her own head, these places are a blessing. I can breathe here. I can feel hunger here, not just make myself eat because I have to.

I have given so much in so many ways; I will recognize that until my mind lets me believe it. I deserve to take a little when I feel alive. I’ll blast the music in my car and speed a little, take a chance on a speeding ticket and some of my hearing with it. I’ll pick something we can watch with my family; it’s the only time I ever watch anything. I’ll lay my hand on Mason’s leg as he drives, just so I can keep contact.

As I get older, I will find new places, and the old ones will start to fade away. But I will remember the feeling of home in every section of the world I once created, and I will never forget.

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About the Writer
Katianna Mansfield, Staff Writer

Katianna Mansfield is 5ft tall, making her the smallest and most feisty server at IHOP. She feeds on stress and is terrified of commitment.

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The feeling of home