The Central Trend’s Guide to Snow Days (Senior Column by Jordan George)

The Central Trend's Guide to Snow Days (Senior Column by Jordan George)

Jordan George, Editor in Chief

The proverbial pajamas have been turned inside out, the spoon has been placed under the pillow, and the ice cube has been flushed down the toilet. I may or may not have sprayed Cascade Road with a hose at 2 AM, but that’s between you and me. I’ve only checked WoodTV8 fourteen times in the last two hours, and as I longingly stare out the window at the snow steadily falling, I wonder to myself, “Is ‘Snow Day Calculator’ actually accurate?” Who is the guy sitting in his basement giving these vague percentages to children across the world? Does he have a degree in meteorology? Does he know the superintendent? All serious questions, because this is a serious matter. Whoever this Snow Day Calculator guy is, he better be serious because when it comes to these sacred snow days, I am more serious than black ice.

Following the divine rituals of the night before a snow day, and after waking up to the glorious realization that we do not have school, the steps of the snow day usually progress as such:

Step 1. Immediately fall back asleep into the cozy abyss of blankets and pillows, forgetting all of the worries in the world

Step 2. Wake up in a confused panic, realizing that it is 2:15 PM, and that I have pretty much completely wasted away my day by sleeping.

Step 3. Attempt to salvage my snow day by attempting to read some of my AP Literature Book or trying to do some math homework, before I give up 25 minutes in and realize that yes, I have thrown away this day, and that yes, all is lost in this world.

Step 4. Check WoodTV8 for school closings, knowing that my only hope now is for another snow day. I turn my pajamas inside out once more, place another spoon under my pillow, and flush another ice cube before I notice the weather report: 0.5 inches of snow expected.