Humans of FHC: Valerie Greenwood


“I was at the Michigan football game. There were a lot of squirrels there. I really relate to squirrels just as an animal. Me and squirrels are kind of the same. I wanted to make sure they were nice and fat and fed for the winter, so I collected acorns for them so I could feed them as I passed them. I was wearing overalls, and I got all these acorns and de-shelled them- everything was looking good- and I put them all in my pocket. But [the squirrels] weren’t into me. They didn’t like me; it really hurt. I ended up needing to pee really bad because I’m a human. I went to the bathroom; I was ‘squirrel-brained,’ and I just took those overalls off. All the acorns fell on the floor. So there were just a bunch of little brown pellets falling on the bathroom floor, and there were other people in the bathroom. I had to pick up the nasty things off the ground, so then I had a pocket full of nuts. I had to throw them all out because I didn’t want to give the squirrels E. coli because then they would die. It was really stressful.”