My paradoxical relationship with school


I’ve found that the further I proceed in life, the more paradoxical my relationship with school becomes. Love and malice simultaneously gnaw on the corners of my days until the feelings blend together, producing an unpleasant gray.

This unpleasant gray, a mixture of love and hate, seemingly portrays my affinity with learning. I love learning and its neverending opportunities, yet I find myself, at times, resenting the very institution that it stems from.

The two feelings often attack each other in an attempt to define my view on education, but as my vision becomes more weary with the accumulation of late nights, the opposition of the two emotions only obscures my point of view.

On days when the gray is overwhelming, it leaves me unable to separate my love and bitterness. As I remain the one designated to understand the gray, I find myself losing a grasp on my love of learning due to an inability to find it between desire and animosity.

At times when animosity surpasses desire, I find myself losing my grasp on my love of learning due to the overwhelming suffocation of education’s effects.

However, I cannot bear the idea of letting go of school, despite its suffocation and my own confusion. My craving for knowledge is too strong for me to live without it. I don’t want to let go of all of the words and the stories. I refuse to set free my will to learn about the world around me.

Knowledge gives humanity a power that is often overlooked, and opening your mind to the multitude of information opens doors to the past, present, and future. The information found around the world is both a time machine and an airplane, having the ability to take a person to any corner of the Earth at any time it existed.

Having an aptitude to keep an open mind to these explanations is almost a superpower; it holds the ability of changing one’s perspective on life and the world, and being given the opportunity to attend an institution that gives this information is a wonder on its own.

Knowledge should be exciting. The world, from its microanatomical structures to its grand creations, should be yearned to know.

Yet, as I sit in a metal chairs lined in straight rows, I struggle to desire information. As I stay awake for far too many hours, shoveling information into my mind, I get sick of it. As I want to discuss information to its core, I am told that my ideas are wrong.

In a brief glance at modern-day education, not all, but many experiences are riddled with restriction. It makes sense, when considering organization; the straight rows, unchanging hours, and testing creates a structure that is helpful at times to keep a school functioning. However, this structure is often just convenience hidden behind what is said to be “needed.”

Although education’s gift of knowledge is a marvel, schools frequently strip individuality in the process.

With standardized tests and grade point averages, names are replaced with numbers. Instead of learning for truth and information, many students often chase after letters and digits that schools define them with.

With explanations, wrong answers are discouraged, and daring to think is often replaced with repeating right answers out of fear of penalization. But, difference in thought shouldn’t be damaging, and wrong answers shouldn’t be looked down upon.

The education system ironically, in many ways, damages learning and depth of thought, and in its place puts students in a box with its standardization. Although this does not occur in all instances, it is frequent among what is required by the nation.

I resent the lack of sincerity, yet I catch myself abiding by all of the rules. I continue shoveling the information, keeping quiet, and saying the right answers.

I love learning, but I am concerned by the unleashing of it. My love and bitterness towards education fold and unfold throughout my days, affecting my ability to learn.

Education is one of the greatest influences in a student’s life, and it is now simultaneously gifting knowledge and perfunctorily forcing it into minds. With its release, it is frequently characterized by possible wonder that is overshadowed by the black and white of conveniences.

My relationship with school is defined by how it’s given to me, and right now, knowledge is both my superpower and my greatest enemy.