I am still up.

In the midst of darkness and pure silence, I cannot help but stay awake through the buzz and thrill of seeming to be the only one in the whole world who has not gone to bed yet. 

Instead of exhilarating dreams that only my imagination can make, I find genuine contempt in being alone in darkness and watching the stars twinkle; the moon slowly dissipates into the bright sun that reminds me that I am so incredibly deprived of sleep.

I push my sleeping medications further and further away from me until they are all the way across my room and I can no longer make out the figure of the rather substantial bottle. 

My biggest fear is that I will miss the chance to see a meteor shower that only comes around every hundred years, or a Christmas Star that has not revealed itself since the ruling of Ghengis Khan—even if it was covered completely by clouds, the fact that I knew it was there, that I was living through such a rare occurrence was more than satisfactory.

Whether it be reading the best book ever written, binging a show I have watched a countless number of times, or just sitting in the pitch black of my room listening to music, I can always find a better way to fill my time than sleeping. Quite honestly, the alone time that comes with the devil’s hour is absolutely unmatched.

I love being alone. I cherish my alone time.

I am constantly surrounded by people. In the halls of school or at one of my friend’s houses—I am almost never unaccompanied. The only time that is promised to be perfectly sound and alone is in the middle of the night. 

Even the times when I feel exhaustion, I still fail to sink into the much-needed slumber. My brain is awake and communicates the myriad of reasons why I should get up. Most of the time, I give in; I get up and open the blinds to my window and watch the stars. I look for the brightest star; my imagination gets the better of me. Maybe that star is another universe full of people that are not aware of the fact we exist.

The imagination that stems from the nighttime is what keeps me up. I can’t stand to think that I may be missing out on something happening a million miles away from me; maybe one day I will see the most beautiful meteor shower that only a few got to experience.

While I know that these thoughts are just my imagination—or maybe sleep-deprivation—I can’t help but think one day I will get to experience something miraculous.