School. I’ll admit that I only enjoy the social aspects. The workload, the stress, and the grades all add up to a dislike of every part of school. 

I recently acquired a job—most days I can get home and eat, and my will of life comes back; sadly there is still no part of me that wishes to do homework. I already sat through what seemed like countless hours of school, and when I get home, I see no reason to continue school work. 

This is only the third week of school, and the routine of the fall season is comforting but tiring. My motivation seems to lessen each day. It slips away from me like the rain running down a windowpane. 

My mind continually tells me “I’ll do it later” or “It’s okay, I’ll do it tonight.” Later will come, and I will regret not doing it sooner. My procrastinating manner is causing more stress than needed. 

I hope for a way out, yet I never truly reach for one. I stay in my pattern of the familiar stress and cramming. I see the way out but never take it. I lean towards the alternative and reassure myself by saying I’m not the only one. I hear my friends talk about their late nights, and I sigh, and in my mind, I tell myself I did better. And that I went to bed earlier so it’s all just fine. Yet “just fine” wasn’t exactly how I’d felt the night before. I am constantly infuriated with myself and my teachers. “Why did I wait so long? This is all so unnecessary! Why is there so much? When will I be done?” are a few of the questions circulating my vocabulary as I sit in my room surrounded by a circle of books, paper, my iPad, and pencils. 

I say eventually I’ll get used to school once again, and it will be easier. Yet, I know as the days get shorter, my schedule will fill with even more activities and even less time to fit homework into the long nights that pass quickly. One moment, it’s five o’clock, and when I check the clock again, it’s somehow eight. 

Motivation is how I can solve the problem of my packed nights. Motivation is something I yearn for but never stretch to reach. Once I figure out my motivation predicament, I will become a better student, get better grades, and have better time management. 

Why is it that I lack the incentive to become a superior version of myself? I crave the answer but have no clue as to how to find it. As the year goes on, I will push myself to find the solution to my motivation quandary.