Having achieved my goal of three years: to find a job and work as hard as I possibly could, December came through with a promise of finally being able to afford holiday presents for the people I love.

Years have gone by of homemade, makeshift presents for very few people due to the time it took to think of each one, and I always ended up disappointed with myself for my lack of ability to show my appreciation.

But now, with my own money in hand and no guilt in my mind, I enter malls upon stores upon kiosks, looking for the perfect Christmas gifts to spoil everyone in my life. Each weekend I go out and spend all of the money I made that week on those in my life I haven’t been able to treat properly before, and I do it all again the next weekend. Days I’d like to take off I think about heavily for hours, considering the pros and cons of not working when Christmas is just around the corner.

Nothing has ever made me happier than giving something to someone. Even when I had next to nothing to give, I tried my best. A written poem, my ever-present hugs, a handmade card, an industrial-size box of cookies I slaved over all weekend, it was always worth the smile and looks of appreciation.

Looking underneath my shelving unit, which had no purpose until the gift-giving season, and seeing everything I’ve thought about, ordered, and purchased ready to wrap and put under the tree, I feel a sense of accomplishment at knowing I am capable of achieving what I’ve always wanted to do. Getting a job, making enough money to endlessly shower everyone in my life, having Christmas traditions that I can actually partake in, my bucket list is running thin.

Not everything has always felt possible in my life; major setbacks and obstacles have always gotten in my way. I know things will continue to be difficult, and sometimes I just won’t be able to achieve my goals, but as of now, it seems as though I can do anything I set my mind to as long as I do it with everything I have.

Never before have I had actual excitement about the year before me, but at sixteen years old with darkness behind me and worries inside me, I can honestly say that I can’t wait for 2017.