Time isn’t reversible; my deepest fantasies are not possible in the boring realm of reality. But if I had a time machine, I would tell my younger self to buckle up, grab some coffee, and enjoy the ridiculous asymmetrical roller coaster of life.

It seems ludicrous now that I would ever be bored of not having anything to do. I was so young and poorly educated before, and I had little experience or battle scars to show for my maturity. But nothing cures naivety like a good hot cup of life. 

Before I used to think that I had too much time to spend which led me to waste it. Mindlessly, I complained that I had nothing to do when the options of productivity hung in front of me, but I knocked them away with my childish ignorance.

Regret is an essential part of being human, but I can’t shake the ominous feeling that I’m going to greatly regret a fair portion of my youth. I fear that I will look back and not focus on the good times I had when I had a much more simple life–a life not filled with demands and deadlines, but a life with no path to travel or goal to aspire to.   

Now, my life is a mad dash from one activity to the next. I’m stuck in an ever-shrinking space with no door or window. My only hope is that if I push hard enough it will recede and I will have breathing room.   

Go to school, do your homework, and memorize this. These demands are a bittersweet punch being thrown at me. I can be prepared and dodge when the time is right or I can let the blows connect and learn from them so I am not caught off guard the next time it happens. 

I think back to one of the loves of my childhood, which was playing Mario Kart on my friend’s Wii. My parents had never gotten my family one so I settled for occasional playdates full of playing Mario Kart and other games. 

The one race course was Coconut Mall, it was not only an amazing race to be a part of, but the music stays with me to this day. It is a beautiful melody of fast pace tunes that perfectly reflect upon the course it is set in. The nonstop tune perfectly reflects in the mirror of my life. I am constantly moving, never still, only with only glimpses of pause and rest.

The only difference between the flawless song and my life is that while one is filled with excitement and joy one is moving too quickly to do so. It is too fast to comprehend or reason, it is ever-changing not following a pattern. But that is the beauty of it. That is why I’m lucky to be alive and facing the challenges of a life I have still yet to live.  

Maybe this is only temporary; maybe I’m just too stressed to think straight and the pressure has warped my perception to over-dramatize something that isn’t there. The tune will continue to play and the beat will stay quick and ever-moving. But like all things, a song must eventually end.