I have always been a relatively independent person. From the outside, it may not always seem like it, like how I cling to my sister when she’s home from college or ache for social interaction every weekend, but in reality, I am pretty content on my own. 

I do my schoolwork to the best of my ability, I go to work every Monday and Tuesday, and I put effort into the things that are important to me—or at least I used to. 

However, suddenly, the concrete dates and non-negotiable deadlines feel like they’ve begun to slip, and even the things I do care about feel like a chore. For the longest time, I simply couldn’t wrap my head around why everything seemed to be moving so slowly. 

And then, as I caught myself drifting off and my brain began to shut down, I realized that I was no longer fit for my current situation. While my physical body sits in cold metal chairs, and I walk down the same dreaded halls, my imagination, subconscious, and ultimately, my independent mindset has already begun mentally preparing me for college. 

What once was a blurry picture suddenly came into focus, and now, I can’t help but add to this fictional image. I go through the same daily tasks, and I dwell on the fact that next year, even the most basic of activities will be forever changed. 

When I do homework, I will be sitting at my dorm room desk, or at the campus library. When I go out with friends, I will no longer be driving around Cascade pleading for entertainment; I will be out with new people in a new town with different food and entertainment around every corner. 

Whether it be scrolling on my phone, getting my daily coffee, or even walking to class, it will all be new, and I finally feel ready for that change. 

But, right now, I feel stuck, and while I wake up every morning and desperately try to convince myself this day will be different—it never is. I feel like I’ve been repeating, “I just have to make it to the weekend” for years, and it’s taken me until now to realize that the weekend does not solve all my problems. 

I am in desperate need of a shift in my life, for I fear if I stand here, stationary, for much longer, I might just wither away, and that crisp image in my head will once again fade into the background.