The other day, I was visiting my sister, and we were both dreading the week to come as it meant we had to wait many more weeks until we got to see each other again.

And, in our despair, she started trying to come up with things she was looking forward to in the next week, and I started to do the same. Everything we came up with was slightly forced and certainly not better than being together; however, by the end of this seemingly tedious activity, I did feel slightly better. 

That is when my sister said something along the lines of, “I try to come up with things I am looking forward to sometimes like you do.”

In my head, I was thinking, “Like I do?” I honestly hadn’t been looking forward to anything consciously in a long time. I have just been doing life rather than living it, and worst of all, I didn’t even notice.

After she said that, it was like someone had tapped my shoulder trying to get my attention and tell me that I am supposed to be enjoying life. 

I used to look forward to things. I used to look forward to things religiously. I would write them, and I would speak them out loud; evidently, most of the time, I was speaking to my sister, but I was always looking forward to something. 

I don’t know what year, what life-changing event, or what mundane activity got me so distracted that the habit got brushed away, but somehow, somewhere on the timeline, it did, and it wasn’t until that moment that I realized I missed it. 

At the time, I started ingraining this habit into my everyday life; it was very forced. Sometimes, you’re not in the mood to be positive, but sometimes, you don’t have another option.

That’s how I feel now. I don’t want to be positive. I simply don’t feel like it. It’s exhausting. 

But, I don’t have a choice because it is not healthy to just do life; you need to try to be happy, and so once again, I will share the things I am looking forward to, no matter how small, something is something. 

I am looking forward to the Girl Scout cookies I have for lunch tomorrow. 

I am looking forward to starting a new session at work.

I am looking forward to being done with my AP Government test.

I am looking forward to making a little extra money babysitting this weekend. 

I am looking forward to spring break in a month. 

I, once again, am looking forward to life.