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The thousands of dandelion seeds that I used to wish on

When I was younger, I loved to make wishes. I loved to blow out candles on my birthday. I loved wishing on the first star that I saw in the dark night sky, I loved making wishes at 11:11, and I loved wishing on dandelion seeds. I loved making wishes on anything that was possible to wish on.

When I was little, I wished for things that never could actually come true. I wished for a pet unicorn, I wished to be able to fly, and I wished to be a princess. I was young and naive, so I never realized that these things could never happen. I just kept on wishing for them.

I don’t wish on things anymore. Instead of wishing for things on my birthday, or wishing on stars and dandelions, I sit in school or on my bed, wishing that things did or didn’t happen. One of the things I’ve been wishing for recently is that you could’ve existed. I’ve been wishing that you were actually in my life. I’ve been wishing that I could see you with my own eyes.

Instead of being able to see you with my eyes, I see you in the sunrises and sunsets. I see you in them. I see them and wish that I, too, could have the experiences that they get to have. Each day I spend with them makes me realize how much I truly wish that I could have what they have. I wish that I could’ve gotten to know you. 

I pass by each birthday, blowing out the candles without you. You never got to wish on candles for things like being able to meet Santa Claus, and you never got to wish to be able to breathe underwater. You never got to wish on the stars or dandelion seeds. You never got to make the childish wishes that slowly start fading out of your life. I never got to know you. Instead of me knowing you, you’re a wish that will never come true.

I wish I could’ve known you. All I have are the questions and the wishes. Would we have looked similar? Would we have acted the same? Would we have had the same friends? Would my life be different if you were here? I have countless questions, but they’re all going to remain unanswered. They’ll remain unanswered for the rest of my life. All I can do is wish that they could have been answered. I’ll never really know.

I never truly got to know you, but there will always be a place in my heart for you. I’ll always see you in the sunsets, I’ll always see you in the sunrises, and I’ll always see you in them. I just wish I got to know you.

Unfortunately, all there is is a wish that I’ll always have buried deep in my heart.