The closer people are to me, the quicker they seem to leave my life.
All of my best friends have moved away or changed schools at integral times and just when they are the most important people in my life.
Of course, this isn’t always the case. People like my family are always easily accessible, and I have friends who aren’t leaving or moving anytime soon. Yet, I still find myself mourning the girls I could still be so close with but lost the opportunity when something else intervened.
One friend from elementary school was the person I did everything with and always wanted to be around. We did almost everything together, but then she moved schools, and now I see her maybe once a year.
Another friend I became close with after that, and we were always together. I could tell her and do anything without the anxiety of being judged about it. We spent 5th and 6th grade reminiscing about elementary school, still without taking on the responsibility of growing up. Then, she moved schools as well, and we’ve seen each other once in downtown Ada with the occasional text.
Another was one of my best friends since first grade. There were always other friends, but we also always had each other. She was probably my longest and most loyal friend. We were so similar, and it made our friendship even stronger. I looked at her as my hope at school since she was always there no matter what was happening. Then, going into high school, she changed schools as well.
One of the first people I became close with at dance was a brown-haired girl that I stood next to in our tap dance. She became my best friend; we did everything together, no matter the hour-long distance between our houses and our busy schedules. We did duos and trios together, but one year, she moved to a different city and left our studio, sadly, for good. The time distance lengthened between us from an hour to almost three, leaving just too big of a gap between us to completely salvage the friendship.
I’m not mad at any of the friends I’ve lost, and if anything, I am happy for them. They have so many new friends and opportunities that I am happy they have gained. I still reminisce about them, some more than others. I sit and ponder what our friendships would have transitioned into by now.
I have gained so many friendships now, too. My best friends at dance I’ve become close with, and none of us truly know how the friendships began. It was an experience where, one day, we stood by each other in a class and never moved.
I have friends at school who have reentered my friendship recently because we’ve gone through similar situations, and I wonder why we waited until now to reemerge our friendship.
There is the occasional overbearing thought that these people are soon to leave like the friends before. Although I don’t want it to happen, I feel like it’s only a matter of time before they announce they are moving or leaving for a valuable reason.
Then, a part of me knows that the friendships I have, and used to have, are still true friendships, and no matter what happens, they will be people that I can remember and go to when I need it most. It is something that is so despairing yet comforting at the same time.
