“Just take a deep breath”
I was so sick of hearing those words, people telling me to just breathe, as if breathing would fix everything. As if breathing would fix the suffocating stress that did not want to disappear, no matter how hard I tried. As if it would magically rid the impending doom that I felt plagued my mind.
The constant push and pull of stress and anxiety from everything around me made me feel like I was being ripped apart. Ripped apart like a photo of a memory turned sour or an assignment you didn’t do as well on as you hoped. Despite my tearing mind, I will be told to take a deep breath; my mind will tell me to do better.
I don’t have the time to take stupid deep breaths.
I’ll wait until I am fully entangled in my stress, and then I’ll try to escape. I’ll lash out to save myself and become cold. I’ll feel no regret or remorse for what I did to finally be able to be freed from the suffocation that once consumed me.
Buried in my stress and anxiety, the sense of freedom still feels like an illusion. I still feel tangled in this feeling, no matter what I did it would not dissipate. I argued for freedom with the one who entangled me in this toxic ardor, the one who made me feel as if I was bound in ropes of no control and unhappiness.
“Just take a deep breath”
I thought about those words when I felt the bounds of unhappiness and lack of control tighten. Finally, I gave in. Finally, I took a breath.
I felt as if my eyes had opened to the world and myself. I gained the strength to cut through the bonds that once kept me down. Finally, I faced the one who watched me suffocate and tore me down in such a way that I thought I was being built. I let go of my cares and, for once in a long time, finally feel free. I could breathe again.
The one whose bonds kept me left and slithered back to their shadows. They screeched and lashed out in backlash, but I didn’t care; they couldn’t hurt me anymore. I am free.
“Deep breaths”
I remind myself over and over now. I remind myself how far I have come and to enjoy my newfound freedom and this feeling of enlightenment. I no longer care to take notice of the unhappy bonds that slither around in the shadows and blether about selfish immature nonsense.
I embrace this new feeling of being able to breathe. I embrace this feeling of control and relish in the thought that I will never be entangled in their bonds again. I embrace my deep breaths and the feeling of my lungs filling with air. Finally, I appreciate life and all it’s worth again. Finally, my pure happiness and hope have returned.
Finally, I can breathe.
