Hundreds hang on my walls. Each one holds an experience, whether it was a positive or negative few minutes of my life.
It has become a collection, an obsession. My collection is the result of years of hard work and dedication to something that has consumed so much of my life and taken control over everything that I do. They sit in my room, day after day, and remind me of all of my greatest triumphs, but also greatest failures.
My failures were key components in teaching me how to reach more of the highly desired triumphs. Having lower placements in competition and knowing what went wrong that made me deserve that placement and no higher is what drives me to learn more and train harder.
Failure is my path to success it serves as a critical training ground for my triumphs. Each setback and disappointment provided lessons that shaped how I train to achieve my goals. After facing defeat, I’ve looked at what my setbacks were and narrowed in on those to learn about my capabilities and what I can truly accomplish.
Blue, red, yellow, white, pink, green, purple, and brown. The colors that dictate my life.
Those colors have trained my brain to become obsessed with them. Specifically blue, red, and yellow. I’ve let colors dictate my mood, drive, and goals. I’ve let colors run my life. I’ve let colors ruin my mood. I’ve let colors determine my happiness. I’ve let colors create an entirely new side of my personality, an overly competitive side.
My extreme competitiveness is based on the colors. My drive to win was created by colors associated with points. I changed as a person as the competition began to change. Facing better competitors and higher levels of competition has changed my training habits and thought processes.
It changed how I view competing. I used to just do it for fun, and then as I got older, it transformed into something so much more complex. I began to be obsessed with the color blue. Blue represents the best form of success. First place. Perfection. Winning. It is the best form of dopamine. I’ve let this one color drive me to insanity. The idea of having a blue ribbon, having a perfect round.
More importantly than symbolizing my success and failure, they represent hundreds of unforgettable memories that have shaped me into the athlete that I am today.
My memories are encapsulated in pieces of colored ribbon. Small representations of long, tiring, and incredible days. Unforgettable moments and accomplishments. The opportunities that I was given are moments that I wish that I could relive and go back to.
Now they are only memories, stuck in the pieces of colored ribbon. The colored ribbon that I let rule my life.
