She sits down to write with tears in her eyes. Despite how much she has longed for this, she’s beginning to dread it. But it’s upon her, and she can’t stop it. The end is coming. It’s closing in on her. She doesn’t want to let it affect her, but she also knows that no one can go unaffected.
Not when it’s this life-altering.
She only has one more. One more chance to make the greatest memories. One more chance to put on the best show. One more chance to show the world what she’s feeling through her writing. It’s all coming down to one more. The lasts have already started, and she’s barely cried about them because she hasn’t processed them. But they’ve all processed as she sat to write this, and suddenly, it’s all moving too fast.
She’s just not ready.
Despite how cliche it is, she wants to slow it all down. She wants to relive every single moment that has passed. She wants to walk in for the very first time again and take it all in. She wants to stand on the sideline under the blinding lights with the roar of the crowd behind her. She wants to experience the moment when she realizes that this is what she wants to spend the rest of her life doing.
She wants to relive every hug, every tear, every smile. Every single second she has spent walking through this town, this school, this room. It is all so significant to her; she doesn’t understand why it has to rush by.
She remembers being fourteen years old and fearing the next four years. She remembers her shaking hands the entire first day. She remembers the joy she felt when she realized that she had found a home and that she was going to be okay.
But as it ends, all she feels is sadness. She wants to end on a high note. She wants her tears to be ones of joy and remembrance, not of sorrow and regret. She wants her smiles to be genuine and full of hope. She wants to look back at it all and remember every second because they have made her who she is.
In this second, she allows herself to feel the fear. The sadness. The longing for something she can never have again. She doesn’t want it to be the end. For all the times she has wished it could just be over, this is one time where she wishes it never had to end.
But she doesn’t get to make that choice. It’s going to happen no matter what, and she plans to take everything she’s learned with her. She plans to hold tight to the memories, the moments, and the people. She plans to let go of all the bad and embrace all the good. She plans to seize this opportunity, no matter how scary it is, and she plans to come out the other side with a smile on her face.
She just wishes she could have more time before it happens.
