I don’t like math.
I don’t like how the numbers and letters jumble together in a mess that I can’t seem to understand. I don’t like how it takes me hours to figure out a problem that probably takes others a few minutes to solve.
I love English. It’s always been my best subject in school because writing is one of my favorite things to do. The 26 letters in the alphabet tend to blend into words that somehow just make sense to me. Writing is one of the best ways for me to express myself, especially when it’s too hard to speak out. When I can’t figure out how to write, I don’t know who I am anymore.
I don’t know who I am right now.
This column is four days late. In the past five or six days, I’ve tried writing five different columns about 30 different times. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m losing who I am.
I don’t know how to express all of my feelings. My mind is flooded with a hundred different emotions, all wanting me to feel different things. I don’t understand why I’m incapable of writing about any of them. It’s like I’m going to drown if I go another minute without expressing at least one of my feelings, but I’m unable to.
I don’t understand how I managed to run out of things to say and to write. In elementary school, my parents were told that no matter where I was, I could find a way to talk. If they sat me alone, I even talked to myself. I managed to talk a mile a minute without running out of things to say. Sometimes, I still am that way, but it has been a while.
I don’t entirely know if it’s the fact that I’ve run out of things to say; it might be that I have too much to say. As I stated earlier, I have a hundred different emotions flowing through my mind. I just can’t seem to figure out how to explain them. I don’t even know if I can explain all of them to myself. There are just too many to sort through. I’m really sorry if this column has seemed all over the place. I hope everyone can figure out what I’m trying to say. I don’t even know if I can figure out what I’m trying to say. I’m just checking my word count every other sentence, trying to reach 500 words. (I’m sorry to whoever’s copy-editing my late story and to whoever’s stuck editing this.)
I started off this year really well. I was getting all of my homework done and turned in on time, and I was even getting pretty good grades on quizzes and tests. I don’t know what happened. I just keep getting distracted by feeling too many emotions.
I don’t think I’m over my writer’s block yet, but at least I tried. I got all of the words I needed to get onto the page. I hope that I manage to pick an emotion to write about sometime soon because I’m pretty over this and because I enjoy writing more than anything else.