I don’t know how it happened. One minute, you were a lively little fluffball, bouncing off the walls like a caffeinated squirrel, and now, well, you’re not that. You still try, but you’re slowing down. Maybe it’s the gray hairs slowly creeping in around your muzzle, or the way you now act like a dog who’s earned the right to nap through life’s more exciting moments.
Whatever it is, I just can’t help but notice it: my first dog is getting older. I guess I should’ve known this day would come. That one day I’d look at you and realize the time we’ve spent together is somehow both incredibly short and terribly long. You’ve been with me through all sorts of life’s messes; moving houses, having no friends, and the kind of days where you just need someone to be there with you.
But then, there you are, my little Charlie. Your floppy ears and eager eyes always there to remind me that life goes on, no matter how sad or chaotic it may seem.
There’s the fact that you act as though it is a personal problem if I attempt to eat without sharing; your deep, soulful eyes will follow me around the kitchen like some sad, furry ghost, and then, just when I think you’ve given up, there you are, barking at my lap. Your eyes always accusing me of betraying you in the worst possible way. I would never call you annoying, but I would call it very persistent.
These days, you don’t leap onto the couch with the same reckless abandon you once did. Instead, you take a moment to survey the situation, stretching, sighing, and ensuring everything is just right. Then try to sweet-talk someone who’s already on the couch to carry you up. If that doesn’t work, you cautiously hoist yourself up like a distinguished gentleman.
I know it’s selfish, but a part of me doesn’t even want to consider a time when there will be a void where your barking is no longer heard, and the ever-present shadow in the kitchen won’t stare at me with a look that asks, “You saved some for me, right?”
I can’t imagine a day not having you around with the same big, brown eyes and warm body beside me; it’s just too much to handle. No matter how much you annoy me with your constant attention, I know I can always count on you to be there for me. I don’t know how to live without you.
Despite everything, the barking, the snoring, and the stealing of my food, there’s never been a doubt in my mind that you love me. Maybe it’s how you jump onto my lap when I sit down, or insist on lying on my bed while I do my homework. Or maybe it’s just the way your tail wags when I enter the room, as if I was the most important thing to you in that moment. It doesn’t matter if we don’t understand each other, and you sometimes make me want to pull my hair out; deep down, I know you are mine.
I will never be ready to let you go.
