Most people fear spiders, heights, or small spaces. My biggest fear is something less palpable but just as petrifying: the chance that I may never fall in love. Love is not guaranteed. That realization hit me like a brick, although I am still young and have so much life ahead of me. It seems unreasonable, and maybe it is, but the way my heart sinks when I think about spending the rest of my life alone is not.
Growing up, I read books and watched shows and movies where the guy and the girl fell in love through difficulties. I still love to enjoy them. I’ve seen my friends be in relationships while I watch from the sidelines. It’s not as if my life lacks love since I still have my family, friends, and even myself. Self-love, familial, and platonic relationships are all wonderful things, but the deprivation of romantic love is like a sparse puzzle piece. Many people say it’ll come when you least expect it, but what if I am always expecting it?
According to the United States Census Bureau, around 34% of adults have been recorded to have never been married in 2024. Will I be a part of that number? There are many things I believe play a role in finding a romantic partner, from internal factors like personality to external factors like time and chance. I can’t help but wonder if the time or chance will ever come for me. I do not consider myself an insecure person, and I believe that my personality will never be a problem in the equation. Due to that, it leaves the chance of me finding love up to external factors only, which is not comforting. It’s not something that I can control, and like all humans, I fear the uncontrollable and the unknown.
Maybe with a shift in perspective, it becomes less of an unknown. There are many things in life that are uncertain or not guaranteed. With a flip of the lens, maybe I should view it as a possibility, like a possible new hobby, career, traveling, further education, or potential partner. I love myself, but maybe I should give myself time to live with myself before seeking out another.
With how many years I have ahead of me and how many love stories I hear from those older than me, I am choosing to believe that we will find each other in due time. Call me delusional, and you wouldn’t be wrong, but I hope that I end up having a story to tell as well. One to make others hope that they’ll find someone as well. If you happen to be my future fiancé who searched for my name to stalk me, then that’s how I know we’re soulmates. Took you long enough.
