The Medieval Age is usually thought of for its heroic knights and elegant royalty. However, if you look a little closer, you’ll see it was anything but glamorous. So far, in fact, it is almost humorously absurd. Some things from the Medieval Ages you might even consider fact. Maybe they are, but that does not take away from its comedic value. Therefore, here are my four favorite absurd medieval creations.
Divorce by combat
Till death do us part was taken a little too seriously in the Medieval Age. Some historians argue that divorce by combat most likely didn’t take place, or did but rarely until death, but that does not prevent me from thinking about it or make it any less funny. When couples wished to divorce, they’d head to the ring to make sure they never saw their spouse again. To keep the fight more fair, although it often wasn’t, the husband was required to stand in a three-foot deep hole with three wooden bats, and the wife was given a sack filled with rocks. To add to the comedic view, the couple was forced to wear matching one-piece bodysuits while they fought. At least this way, divorced couples had to really hate each other to submit to such a brutal solution.
Animal Trials
No, not trials involving animals, trials for animals. Due to crimes against humanity, many animals were dragged to court to “plead” their case. Of course, the animals never won their cases. Instead, they were executed or subjected to similar punishments. However, some lucky animals were sentenced to excommunication by the church. This means that for their crimes, the guilty animals could no longer attend the catholic church, even though they never did in the first place. My favorite part of this whole situation is how seriously the people took these situations. I wonder if they shamed the animals publicly while the animals had no clue as to what was going on. It seems like the people went through more of a hassle than the guilty party.
Savage Soccer
Before soccer had its name, a more intense version of the classic game took place. While it didn’t quite have a name, for the sake of this article, I’m going to dub it “Savage Soccer.” The name is quite fitting when you find out the rules, or rather, the lack of them. Savage soccer was a sport with no rules, resulting in the players being kicked a lot more than the ball itself. Players were maimed, knocked unconscious, and assaulted regularly. So many people participated that the occasional death by stampede wasn’t too surprising. The game must have been a hit if so many were willing to risk their lives.
Money Eels
Trouble with rent? Go grab an eel. Apparently, over half a million eels were used to pay rent in England every year during the medieval age. To medieval people, the eel was the perfect in-between of an everyday object and a delicacy. Many people in medieval times were very religious, so when asked to give up red meat, eel was apparently very popular. I understand this one makes a little more sense than the other medieval creations I’ve gone over, therefore making it a little less funny. However, I think the fact that landowners just stockpiled eels is just absurd enough to make the list.
I realize this is quite a bizarre collection of fun facts, and honestly, I think that makes it more fun. Medieval times were wild, and it’s fun to reminisce about how far humanity has grown apart from our old selves. I wonder if future generations will make lists about things we do now that must be so wonderfully absurd to them.
