I’ve never been one to jump off the end of the pier.

The sun shining down on the cement makes it almost too hot to walk across barefoot. The only sense of relief provided is when the waves crash over the side, splattering designs on the pavement only to be evaporated moments later.

The cloudless sky offers no protection from the sun’s relentless rays; without even checking I know I’m covered in a layer of bright red skin. I can hear my mom in my head “you should have reapplied your sunscreen when you got out of the water.”

The people walking past me are clad in every color of the rainbow. Reds and yellows with pastel blues and greens, each one a piece of the picture forever etched into my brain—forever representing the beach to me.

The edge of the pier is in stark contrast to the swirling water below. The sharp outline of rocks below increases the stark feeling of doom.

I prefer to make educated decisions with lots of pre-planning and thought. The pros must outway the cons and the situation must be perfect. I’m a circumstantial risk-taker.

When approaching the water’s edge I brace myself for the frigid burn of the water—always expecting the worst.

I stand at the edge, my toes curling off the cement pad waiting for the perfect moment, deciding if this is indeed the decision I wish to make.

Best case scenario: the cold water extinguishes the fire on my skin that is the sun’s fury.

Worst case scenario: the water becomes too much, I get trapped, and drown.

The cons outway that and I back away from the ledge, content to watch my friends jump in around me. A hand shoots out and wraps its way around my wrist, trying to pull me in too.

The feeling of peacefully falling barely registers before the thunderous sound of my body hitting the water fills the forefront of my mind, pushing out everything that isn’t the blue abyss surrounding me like a blanket wraps a child.

The cold water extinguishing my skin was a welcome feeling after I got over the initial shock of my choice being pulled away from me.

I can plan as much as I want, outweigh the good and bad, but there will always be something to derail my plans and pull me off the end of a pier, whether I want to or not; it’s not always my decision.