My anatomy: fire and ice


I sometimes feel like I am a being of flame–not on fire, but made up of it. Heat and passion and energy pulse through me as I go through life with a smile that could melt metal. My laughter is encompassed in tendrils of deep crimson and bright tangerine. It’s in your face: apparent and scorching. 

I like to think I can warm up others, and others can warm up to me. When you combine two flames they only grow bigger and brighter. Sometimes I love being around others, being part of a big group. Sometimes I love the feeling of a collective fire and the power and privilege of being the burning epicenter. 

But sometimes I feel like I have a frozen body, made up of ice. I’m encapsulated by the solitude. Cold to the touch like an icicle. Or maybe soft like snow, blanketed in a quiet white. 

Sometimes I feel better alone. Just a single snowflake, floating in a silent world. Still and cold. Alone and content. Chilled to the bone but chill in my attitude. 

Sometimes I don’t seek out the warmth of others; I can be content to live in my frozen world, pleased by the pleasure of my own singular company. 

Things that are cold move a little slower, but there are times when I don’t mind that. I prefer the slower pace to the swiftness of fire.

You could burn in a matter of seconds but it would take a very long time to freeze.

But sometimes the pressure to decide if I’ll burn or freeze is overwhelming. My mind feels like a hurricane, battling with two sides that are fundamentally different but also one and the same. Opposing forces of weather can create a terrible storm, one I try to avoid. 

But when I’m lost between these worlds of polarizing differences, when I’m trying to figure out if I’m a blazing ball of flame or a sterile, frozen flake of snow, I remind myself that I don’t have to choose. 

I’m a girl, made of flesh and bone. I do not have to pick fire or ice. I can be a vibrant social creature or the time when having a more lonesome and simple existence. I can be both, maybe even both at once.

I’m just me, I don’t have to fit myself into a category just to check off a box.