Oh, to be spontaneous.

To unapologetically take a leap of faith, to entirely disregard outside opinions. I’ve never been able to quite grasp these internal actions; rather, I’ve always been one to rely on foreign viewpoints. I’ve tried and tried to adhere to the cliche phrase of “you shouldn’t care what other people think,” but I just can’t seem to perceive it. 

I depend on self-image and self-interpretation. I refrain from showcasing my true persona—two traits I wish I could chuck out the window. I get too anxious that I’ll be labeled as ‘annoying’ or ‘have too much to say.’ But, as I avoid those traits, new worries arise: what if people think my personality is a dud, or what if people identify me as ‘too quiet’ or too ‘bashful’? I’m scared people will recognize that rather than making it look like I’m not trying at all they’ll see it as I’m trying way too hard. 

Oh, to be spontaneous. 

In all stories, there’s the main character. Maybe one, maybe two, maybe three—but they all hold similarities of living for themselves and themselves only. Even though my life is far from a fairytale, I long to be akin to this character I desire. I yearn to be unafraid, to blast my music with my windows down at a red light and not care about getting uncomfortable looks from neighboring cars. I yearn to be confident with anything and everything I do. I yearn to start romanticizing my life. 

Being the main character means not to admire others but to admire yourself. It means that focusing on personalized goals should be a priority. It means that you’re willing to march through every level of toughness to get what is wanted. 

Oh, to be spontaneous. 

I’m unsure of when I will reach the point of confidence to live as the main character. Once I graduate? Go to college? Marry and have children? That I don’t know. But what I do know is that it takes time. That independence doesn’t come at the snap of a finger—it comes by learning, growing, and flourishing in the realm of life. 

Spontaneity can be defined as a lot of different things—impulsive, willing, voluntary, improvised—none of which I truly believe embody me. Spontaneity is an acquired thing. It requires ages of development; however, it’s different for everyone. So, I encourage the portrayal of more ‘main character energy.’

Even though I’ve yet to reach that point myself, I advocate for all the side characters out there to become the main character in your own life story because ultimately, life is a privilege and an opportunity for triumph. 

Oh, to be spontaneous.