Losing you hurt the most because I saw it coming.

I felt in the pit of my stomach, some voice telling me to let go; as hard as it gets, I don’t look back.

The inseparable bond that once was is now gone, but I believe you still think it is there.

I don’t know how to tell you I cannot be there anymore because truthfully, I don’t know why.

I don’t know why I had to take a step back from you, but I knew that it was for the better and that greater possibilities would stem from it. I knew we both had to grow.

It still hurts because you were the light that I lost. I knew I could confide in you; we trusted each other. We were once always by each other’s side. We were best friends.

I realized I needed to stop putting time and effort into our friendship when I know it would not grow. I know that the end was coming, but I didn’t expect me to be okay with it.

I am okay.

I trust that the voice in my head will lead me in the right direction; I genuinely believe that it is on my side. So, as much as I will miss you, I know it’s for the better—for both of us.

You still talk to me, confide in me, trust me. 

It makes me believe that maybe I am wrong. Maybe the voice telling me to let go is incorrect and is plotting against me. But I know it is right. It has to be right because I knew that I couldn’t be around you anymore.

You changed, and you expected me to change with you. While I was figuring myself out, you assumed I would drop everything for you. Normally, I would. I would drop everything for you to have a shoulder to cry on, to have someone to listen, but I never received anything back.

When I needed you the most, you were not present. At times I needed to convey my sadness and frustrations, you would respond with “same” and then continue to express your sadness and frustrations.

I needed you, but it almost seemed like you didn’t care. That is when it was evident to me I needed to take a step back. Slowly, I started to realize I had better people surrounding me who seemed to genuinely care.

I miss you. I wish we could have somehow prevented these circumstances, but they were necessary. I realized I need to water my own flower instead of watering the dead ones.