One year. 365 days. Billions of moments. Billions of memories. Some that I never want to remember, and some that I never want to forget. The little moments are still the ones that mean the most to me, but the bigger ones encompass all of the smaller ones. So, I want to say thank you to all of the big moments that hold my little memories.

I wish that I could write to so many more smaller moments that helped me to become me, but it’s easier to write to the bigger moments that encompass all those smaller moments. Thank you to everything that has helped me learn throughout the year.

To my favorite place, and my favorite time there,

You were the best part of second semester during freshman year. You were what made me find a true passion. Something I truly love. You introduced me to my role models, my best friends, and my favorite memories.

But guess what. I also hated you. I know, how can I still hate you when you do so much for me? Well, I don’t hate you anymore. I didn’t even really hate you then, you just made me frustrated and exhausted. But I appreciate you so much more now.

Thank you for teaching me to love being behind the scenes. Thank you for giving me the best gift I have ever received. Thank you for the memories that I can conjure up when I need to smile.

You have influenced my life so much, and I will keep coming back to you year after year with the reassurance that you will always give me more memories, and friends, and love. So, thank you.

To my enemy and my savior,

When you came along you were probably the most terrifying thing that I had experienced. You changed my life for a long time. I don’t know where I’d be right now if you hadn’t barged into my life and knocked me out.

If you hadn’t come into my life, I would probably be miserably doing something I hate. I would probably be surrounding myself with people that make me feel like I’m not enough. I would probably be a lot less happy than I am right now.

You gave me time to rest. You gave me time to take a look at my life, and you showed me who really cares about me. You showed me those who would stay with me in the times when my life was tough.

Thank you for letting me take a look into my life. Thank you for giving me a break. Thank you for opening my eyes to things I wouldn’t have noticed before. You made me realize that I’m strong and that I can handle hard things. Thank you.

To my becoming of me again,

If we’re being honest, I didn’t want you to come into my life. I knew that I was going to have fun with you and that if you came into my life, it would be amazing and complicated all at once. I didn’t want to handle the complicated.

But, you ended up being one of the best things to happen to me, hence why I’m writing to you. You made me realize how beautiful the world is and how easy it can be to get lost in little moments. You made me realize how much I love to see new things, and you also made me realize how much I love my friends.

Because of you, I went a long time without seeing my best friend, and it wasn’t at an ideal time. But, you made me realize how much I love her. You also made me realize that even though we won’t always be together, we will always be there for each other.

You helped me find myself. You helped me realize how beautiful I can be and how when people say that they glow, they aren’t lying. Because I glowed. I loved myself. You made me realize that. And even though I forgot it soon after you were gone, I knew it at the time, and that’s enough. Thank you for making me realize so many things. Thank you for helping me find myself, even if it was only for a little while.

To the millions of little moments that are all wrapped up in one thing,

There are some little moments that I want to hold onto and have in my brain forever. I want to write to each of you individually to thank you for the big impact that you have had on my life. But, that would take a thousand pages, so I have to write to you all as one.

I’ve said in my other notes that those things helped me find myself, but when I think of finding myself, you are what I ultimately think of. Despite the other moments where I thought that I might’ve found myself, it was ultimately with you that I did.

Thank you for always, always being there for me when I needed you. Even if I just had to remember, and I couldn’t be with you, the thought of you would brighten my mood instantly. Thank you for giving me a typical teenage life: staying out late, making some probably not great decisions, and just having fun. I wouldn’t have been a teenager without you, so thank you.

You have never failed to make me feel loved. Even when I felt like I had no one, you were always there telling me you loved me and that I’d be fine. You were all always there to put a smile on my face through my tears. So, thank you for giving me myself, thank you for helping me, thank you for letting me be a teenager, thank you for loving me. Thank you.

To my cliché,

You’re not something I ever thought I would be writing a thank-you to. I used to dread going to see you. But now, I look forward to when our visits start again. I know that for several months my weeks will always end happy because they will always end with you.

When I think of cliché teenage lives, I think of you. I think of how you make people so happy and how you make people talk to other people that they might not have had without you. You change lives. You changed mine.

Last year, I didn’t ever want to go. I didn’t have the cliché feeling whenever I went to see you. But this year, I did. I was living like I always thought a teenager should because of you. You brought me closer to my best friends and even introduced me to a new one.

Thank you for helping me be a teenager. Thank you for strengthening my relationships. Thank you for bringing me a new one. You mean so much to me, and I can’t wait for when you come back so that I can feel like a teenager again.

To the dreaded and the dreamed,

I know that everyone else looks forward to you. But, I really don’t. I was not ready. Yet, you showed up quicker than I intended, and I had to accept it.

It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. I even had fun. There are long-standing traditions that I took part in and many random things that I did while you were here that brought me joy.

The last time you were here, I was miserable. I had a terrible time. I didn’t want to repeat that. But I didn’t really have a choice because I was forced to take part in your festivities. I didn’t know how close people could get in one week, but that’s something I learned during your presence.

I got really close with my best friends. I told them things I had never told anyone. All thanks to you. I did things I had never done before. All thanks to you. I had the time of my life. All thanks to you.

Thank you for showing me that bad memories can change into good ones. Thank you for showing me that I can have fun even if I’m actively trying not to. Thank you for bringing me closer with my best friends. I had so much fun while you were here, and even though I’m still dreading the next time you arrive, I believe that I’ll be able to enjoy it whether I want to or not.

To the week I needed to make it through,

You brought me back. You brought me back to me. When your time came, I was so ready. I had been looking forward to it for months, and despite the fact that there were some let-downs, you still brought me back.

I knew that you would always be the one to bring me home. You would always be the one to have my back, and you would always be there. I knew that the memories I would make with you would last a lifetime, just like they have with the others.

I struggled hard when you came. I was so overwhelmed, but it was so worth it. I rediscovered my passion; I rediscovered my happiness; I reconnected with friends. It was a lot, but it was worth it.

There were moments, like there always are, when I wanted to give up on you. The moment when one of my favorite people wouldn’t be joining us. The moment when I found out that I’m not as important as I thought I was. The moment when my heart pounded in my chest, and I thought that I was going to stop breathing. I was going to give up on you, but I never could no matter how hard things got.

Thank you for everything you’ve done for me and will continue to do for me. Thank you for giving me countless learning experiences. Thank you for showing me how to push through. I know that I can always go to you, and I’ll be okay. Thank you.