I don’t want to be writing this column right now. 

490 more words to go. 

I don’t want to be writing this so much so that after writing just that first sentence, I had to check the word count to see how much more I had to write. 

453 more words to go. 

I have 446 more words to write, but today, I just don’t think I have it in me to write them. I’m too tired to switch between tabs, searching for inspiration and synonyms for the hundreds of words I write again and again.

405 more words to go. 

The word choice in that sentence was horrible. I know for a fact that when Addie and Ella, who always edit my stories, read what I have written so far, they will have added at least three “wc” comments on this Google Doc by now. (Note to Addie and Ella: Don’t bother adding any more; I know the word choice sucks. Let’s just all agree that it’s “for the art of the column.”)

326 more words to go. 

I don’t even think I know 326 words. I definitely couldn’t list them out, and if I tried, I don’t think I would get over 25.

295 more words to go. 

How were those sentences only 26 words? Last Monday, I started this column, thinking that I would get it turned in on time, or maybe even early for the first time ever, but no. Here I am, sitting in my Spanish class one week later, less than halfway through a column that was due yesterday. 

235 more words to go. 

I hate this column. I really wish that I had it in me right now to write something beautiful and poetic and…

208 more words to go. 

I didn’t know how to finish that sentence. My head hurts too much for me to figure out what I actually want this column to be. 

177 more words to go. 

I have eight Grammarly corrections right now. They’ll be edited by the time whoever reads this will read it, but I thought it was funny. They aren’t even grammar edits, just spelling. I spelled “so” in the second paragraph with an “a” instead of an “s” because apparently, my fingers don’t even know how to type two-letter words.

114 more words to go. 

My socks are bothering me. They’re mismatched, too big, bunching up around my ankles, and I didn’t have the energy this morning to fold them down. I just spelled ankles like “ankeles,” and now, my Grammarly suggested edits are up to nine. I genuinely have no idea why I’m writing about my socks right now, but for some reason, they are the only thing I can think about, and honestly, I’m just trying to get my word count up as high as possible (sorry, Mr. George.)

23 more words to go. 

I went to the bathroom to fix my socks, and my view of the world improved a minuscule amount. 

1 word over the required word count. Thank God. 

My hands are shaking; I think I drank too much coffee. My head is still killing me, and I’m wondering how embarrassing it’ll be if I throw up on Señor Silvertre’s Spanish room floor.

44 words over the required word count. 

I’m still in Spanish. I wrote this column a day late, but at least it only took me an hour to write. I hate it, honestly, but I can’t find it in myself to care. There’s some word for that. I don’t think it’s a contradiction, and normally, I would search it up, but I don’t really want to.

110 words over the required word count.

I don’t know why it was suddenly easy for me to write more words. But here we are. Here I am, I guess. No one else is writing this but me. I feel like I’m just writing nonsense; even I don’t understand half of it, so if you—I don’t know who “you” even is—don’t either, that’s fine.

174 words over the required word count.

I don’t know what picture I’m going to use for this; I wonder what I’ll decide on. I put no effort into writing this column. I needed to write something because I’m three stories behind in this class and need to turn something in.

227 words over the required word count.

I don’t know how to end this column, but I have to because I don’t want it to reach over 800 words, and I have to start my Membean. So, instead of trying to come up with a good ending (note to Addie and Ella: please do not comment on the “good ending” word choice. Remember, “it’s for the art of the column.”)

297 words over the required word count. And yes, over 800 words, of course. 

I don’t know how to write a clever last sentence, so I’m just going to stop writing here.  

832 words total.