Like a mold, it grows
Like a mold, it grows.
Like a disease, it spreads.
Like a wound, it festers.
I don’t know what to do.
I don’t know what to say.
I don’t know how to say it.
It’s as if I sometimes don’t know how to breathe on my own.
I have so much to be thankful for, but, even with that, at times, I’m lost.
Others have it so much worse, and I know how fortunate I am, but recently, it’s been like walking up a staircase that just keeps getting longer the further I go.
It’s harder than I’d expected it to be. I manage, but not without stress.
I’m realizing that some things may be coming to a hiatus for God knows how long.
I’m realizing that, contrary to the way I portray myself to be, I’m terrified.
I’m so scared of the change that’s to come, and I don’t know how to express that.
Frankly, I don’t want to have to express it, either. I don’t want others to worry about me, and I don’t want to be seen as careless or incapable.
So, naturally, I let it stew until it inevitably boils over.
And, when it does, you’re there.
But there’s something different about your presence from anyone else’s. You don’t stir the pot; rather, you remove it from the burner and find the problem. You add the correct things and fix the problem before I even know what the problem is.
The issue with that is the fact that I don’t want to burden you with it, but I subconsciously do anyway. I’m just so grateful that you welcome it.
I can’t help but fear that it’ll become too much for you to handle. I worry that you’ll get scared like the others have. But you insist that you won’t, and I really want to take your word for it.
I’m trying so hard to be better. I’m trying so hard to do for you what you do for me, but I don’t know how.
I suppose that all I can really do now is show you I love you in my own way. I just hope that’s enough.
I know it’s enough for you because you always promise me that it is, but I hope it’s enough for me, too.
I’ll survive in the end, and it’ll all be worth it, but I’m still scared.
Because, like a mold, it grows.
Like a disease, it spreads.
Like a wound, it festers.
And you. You are there for all of it.
Eva LaBeau is a senior entering her second year on The Central Trend. She takes on everything she does with great passion, specifically when relating to...
Christos Bird • Apr 19, 2023 at 7:47 am
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