I prefer to hope


People I’ve had to, or will have to, say goodbye to

It’s that time of year again. Everyone is saying goodbye. The seniors are graduating. It’s hard. It’s sad. It’s awful. I don’t like saying goodbye. I prefer to say ‘see you later’ because it gives hope.

There’s hope that maybe one day I will see everyone later. It’s not a definitive goodbye. It’s not forever. It’s only for a little while, and I prefer it that way. I don’t like permanent. It’s scary. ‘See you later’ is temporary.

Goodbye is hard for me even if it’s just for a little while. It’s a separation anxiety thing, but there are only a few people that I get anxious about leaving.

My best friend is graduating and moving eleven hours away. That makes me anxious. I don’t like how far it is. There’s no way I can help her if she’s eleven hours away. If something happens, all I can do is call her. I don’t like that.

I prefer to say see you later, because it gives hope.

My brother lives five hours away. I was so scared when he left. I was afraid that something was going to happen to him. I thought he would get hurt, or that there would be a catastrophic event, and I wouldn’t be able to do anything at all. I don’t talk to him as often as I should, but I know that he’s okay. That doesn’t stop me from worrying, though.

I can’t explain it. I know that everything is going to be okay, but my brain likes to come up with the worst possible scenarios and convince me that they’ll happen. I worry about people I love, and if they’re far away, it’s worse.

I still don’t like leaving my parents, even at fifteen years old. I am going to a conference for a week this summer, in another state, and I guarantee that I am going to cry when they drop me off. I worry that something will happen.

That’s why this time of year is so hard for me. I’m saying goodbye. It will be a forever goodbye for some people. I know that. There are some people that I just won’t ever see again, but there are some people that will be a ‘see you later.’ There are people that will keep coming back.

I don’t like to say goodbye. I prefer to hope that I’ll see you later.