I still have yet to feel it.
I have yet to feel the radiant joy I feel when there is snow to accompany the biting cold. I have yet to feel inclined to listen to holiday music every time I open Spotify. I have yet to giddily shop for all of my friends and family and lock myself in my room to wrap their gifts.
I still have yet to feel like the season for one of my favorite holidays has arrived.
It used to be so easy to get in the mood when I was younger. I would go to school and have normal lessons for the first half of the day, and I would play outside with my friends in our snow gear far too large for us and try my darnedest to make a decent snowman without freezing my fingers off.
I would return from recess to our classroom completely transformed. The walls were adorned with colorful Christmas lights. The tables were arranged stations with games at each one—the table where we decorated cookies was always my favorite. I would end the day with a Christmas movie accompanied by a sweet treat and hot chocolate to top it all off.
After the afternoon of festivities, I would ride the bus home and cross my fingers that it wouldn’t get stuck in the ice. I would sprint straight to the living room and sit right in front of the Christmas tree, marveling at the lights and ornaments while trying to guess what I was being gifted by my family.
The days leading up to Christmas were spent in my cozy clothes, listening to my favorite Christmas songs, and watching my favorite Christmas movies (my top three are and always will be Elf, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and Frosty the Snowman). I would bake chocolate chip cookies with my mom and make chocolate fudge with my dad.
The night before was always the most exciting. My grandpa would get to my house early in the day to begin cooking the pork. I would spend the day trying to occupy myself by watching movies and such, but time moved extra slowly that day. In the evening, my family and I, after eating dinner and getting into our matching pajamas, would lay out a plate of cookies and milk for Santa, along with carrots and celery for his reindeer. Then, I would retire to my bed and stare at the ceiling until exhaustion overtook excitement.
It was perfect.
Now, everything is different.
I can’t think of anything besides school until my final day of exams. I have projects on top of quizzes on top of tests on top of studying on top of writing. I feel like I’m drowning.
There is no snow on the ground, just the biting cold that has accompanied me with hostility. Because of this, I still have zero inclination to listen to festive music. I haven’t done Christmas shopping because I haven’t had the time yet because of school. We aren’t baking cookies or fudge until halfway through the month.
I miss the way everything used to feel. I miss the warmth of the classrooms, the fluffy snow blanketing everything around me, and the constant excitement for my favorite holiday season.
In other words, I miss being a kid in December.
