How do I see myself?

How did I get to this point in my life and this mindset?

I do not see myself the same way anyone else sees me. I am the way I am; I’m different now. I see the world and myself within this world differently now.

I used to define myself with brightly colored nail polish and flashy designs; now I am neutral colors of grey and mauve. I love greys and mauves.

I used to be dancing and singing around the house; now I am Netflix in my bedroom. I love my time to myself.

I used to be someone who didn’t know how to connect. I was never great at making friends. I always worried about doing new things without knowing anyone. This fear carried itself up until I got my first job. I knew no one. I was scared. All of the other employees were older than me, and I was scared of how they would see me.

My worries were not needed. All of these strangers who I didn’t know, who I worried wouldn’t like me, have become some of the most important people in my life, and they love me for exactly who I am. They all have their own perceptions, but so do I of them. It’s a human thing. I don’t get as scared anymore.

I’m different now. I see the world and myself within this world different now.

I used to define myself with brightly colored accessories and infinity scarves; now I am sweaters and black boots. Sweaters are my favorite.

I used to be whimsical home decorations; now I am warm lighting and inviting tones. I’m so excited to decorate my future home.

I used to be someone who dreamt of the future. Someone who endlessly thought about wanting to travel, getting married, having kids, decorating my home, spending the summers on the lake, spending the winters watching movies by the fire, working, doing what I love, going to college, and being independent. The possibilities were endless when I thought about what I wanted to do.

I still am. I still am that person who dreams about her future. All of these things I want to do can be achieved. I can do it– or I can dream at least. These things in the future that I dream about are ways I see myself.

I love the way I used to be. Thirteen-year-olds should be wanting to decorate their houses with sparkles and fun colors. Twelve-year-olds should be painting their nails pink with white flowers. Eleven-year-olds should be dancing around the house and singing as loud as they can. Ten-year-olds should be doing whatever makes them happy.

I love the way I am now. I am seventeen now.

I am getting closer to the more achievable future with every morning that I wake up and every night that I go to bed. I am not my past, and I am not my future. I am me now. So how did I get here? I lived. I grew up. I got here through laughing. I got here through crying. I got here with friends, family, working, and anything in between.

I got here by seeing myself for who I am.